Sarah (lee17) wrote in thequestionclub,

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so, this is another advice question...

my best friend has had some troubles over the past year, which, to make a long story short, have left her more secretive and closed and weird than before. at times it feels like my friendship with her is failing because of this reason, but we've always been able to somehow pull through it together. i love her to death, so unless she pushes me away completely, i'm not going to give up on her.

here's the dilemma. in our group of friends, i thought my friend, jessica, was attracted to one of our mutual guy friends earlier in the summer (june-ish), partially b/c of her flirting with him, and i thought it got confirmed went she discreetly told me that she liked him. only a few days after this, another of our friends (a girl) started dating said guy. well, as summer wore on, jessica and the guy became very close emotionally--they have both been through bad breakups this year (very bad), and i think they connected with that and eventually their friendship became very strong. the other girl started getting weird (naturally)--i believe that she was jealous and insecure about the situation. so recently, the two have broken up (they pretty much had a set deadline--she goes back to miami for college in two weeks), and she mentioned to jessica that she thinks the guy and jess should start dating. the whole thing is really weird b/c we are all friends and whatnot. jessica told me that she is not attracted to the guy physically, and doesn't know if she would consider dating him in the future. she also says she feels weird about dating a friend and fed me the crap about a relationship ruining a friendship. i tried to poke around to get her to tell me what she was thinking, but she remained as closed and secretive as ever.

in my honest opinion, i think she likes this guy a lot, and although i think it's hard for her to get into a relationship again, he is a decent enough guy to help her through it. if she's going to date anyone right now, i think he would be good for her. he seems to be somewhat interested--they call often, hold hands, cuddle, etc. i think she is pushing her true emotions away b/c she thinks they'll hurt her, and while i fully understand that, i still find it hard to stand by and let her do that. i think in some ways she wants to continue victimizing herself, whether she's aware of it or not. her behavior has cost her dearly with some of our friends, and so far this is one of the biggest situations that i've really felt she pushed me away from (normally she would let me in on most everything she's feeling and thinking).

should i express my totally honest opinion with her, and try to communicate that it's hard to help her when she keeps nudging me away, or should i just keep to myself and let her do her own thing?

like most advice-seekers, i'm just looking for suggestions on how to think of and maybe handle the situation. criticism allowed (though i don't think i have to tell this group...;) ).
if you need more background or clarification, just comment.
thanks in advance.

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