Ambiguity (pixsky) wrote in thequestionclub,
Ambiguity
pixsky
thequestionclub

  • Mood:
Advice, please.

Friends A & B are old high school friends, with whom I spent lunchtimes and some classes, and spent a lot of social time with until relatively recently. Ex Boyfriend went to a school near ours and only really got to know friend B through our relationship.
I haven't spent much time with any of them for several months, for a couple of reasons-
1) virtually all of my close friends went to a different university, and they often forgot to include me in things, because I just wasn't there, on the lawns, when they were being organised.
2) My first 'real' boyfriend cheated on me with friend A, and she only told me about it about two months after that relationship ended.
3)Boyfriend broke up with me using all manner of excuses except 'I'd really like a shot at boning friend B', which he proceeded to do basically a month or two after breaking things off with me. They're now 'official', have been for probably about 3 months. Friend A & B were not very open with me about any of this crap, and since I told them I'd prefer not to spend time with the ex- who, for a while there, I still had inconvenient feelings for, who had lied to and manipulated me in what I felt was the worst way possible- they simply stopped inviting me anywhere. I'm a vegetarian, A&B are both vegans, and Ex was a big meat eater- and yet, when the girls were going to a vegetarian lifestyle expo they knew i was interested in, they chose to take him instead, because he's B's date. I've just felt really excluded, like somehow or other because he cheated on me with my friends- a heinous thing to do- lied to, manipulated and hurt me- he broke up with me three days before my nineteenth birthday, on a text message, he'd spend parties ignoring me and groping B, but the one time I said anything about it he said that "everyone always accuses him of cheating" and accused me of not trusting him. I thought I could trust my friends to let me have some time to deal with this, but they kept inviting him along to gatherings - which were usually fairly small affairs, no more than fifteen people - without warning. After he started dating B, I was excluded completely. For *my* "comfort" if you'll believe it.

So not too long ago, I was at their uni to see another friend and use the library. I couldn't look at B, and i didn't have much to say to A- I'd heard they'd all been going out regularly partying with Ex, and these are girls who I had to organise my own night out drinking when I was upset about the breakup, when for any of them, I have done and would do it for them to cheer them up. So the new partying lifestyle hurt a little, and I just felt like in the end, cheating, lying and manipulating got him a gorgeous girlfriend and what used to be an important circle of friends to me. I made a livejournal post where they could all see it, essentially, without naming names, that people suck.

Anyway, to the question. I just got an email from A, who wants to 'catch up' over the holidays. she made murmurs to this effect after I made that ambiguous post. I'm not sure what to do, whether I even want to. Should I let bygones be bygones? Or are some things not forgiveable? From the above, would you think she just feels guilty and wants to salve her conscience? Or is it possible she actually values my friendship (despite the fact that I haven't seen her in sox months and her uni is fifteen minutes walk from mine)?
Subscribe
  • Post a new comment

    Error

    Comments allowed for members only

    Anonymous comments are disabled in this journal

    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

  • 14 comments