sorrylatenew (sorrylatenew) wrote in thequestionclub,

My best friend and his ex-boyfriend are still on fairly good terms, even though they stopped seeing each other two years ago. They live together with ex's parents and visit best friend's parents and loved ones together whenever they come down to where I live (an hour away). Because ex has been around for so long, he has become a friend as well, and that's where my question comes in - questions really, since I have two.

1.) Though most of the time best friend and ex get along, there are frequent arguments between them over stupid, petty things that they know will push the other's buttons. These fights happen when I (or whoever else) is there in the room with them, even though they both know I feel very uncomfortable stuck in the situations. The night usually goes sour for an hour or two and sometimes we end up sitting in the dark doing nothing while they sit and glare at each other after a fight about where we're going to eat, what movie we're going to watch, where we're going to go shopping, etc. If I was to get up and leave, best friend would feel betrayed and like I had left him high and dry, since he rarely gets to come down for visits, but the fights every time we visit are getting old and obnoxious. Should I stay or go when they happen?

2.) Though I hate to say it, the arguments that happen are usually brought on by best friend. He does something that is selfish, or something that he knows will annoy ex, and then when ex takes the bait and gets angry, best friend pulls the "I was only joking" card and thinks he should get off scot-free because ex "takes everything too seriously". It drives me crazy, especially when he complains about the fighting to me and blames everything on ex. He has made it abundantly clear that he thinks I should always take his side, even if I don't agree with him, because we are best friends and have been for so long. I do value my friendship more with best friend than I do with ex, but this doesn't seem fair. Where do you draw the line in loyalty?
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