Nova Shepard (buggerthis22) wrote in thequestionclub,
Nova Shepard


I have a really serious question, and I'm kinda pissed off right now so hopefully it makes sense. I also apologise for the amount of detail, but I really want you to understand the situation.

My best friend was dating this guy for two years. They broke up on their two year anniversary. It was kinda mutual 'cause they'd been fighting a lot, but they both decided they were gonna be friends. The thing is, I've never been happier!

He's a jackass. He would talk to her for like a week and maybe see her, get some booty, and then he wouldn't make time for her for like another two weeks or more. I mean, the boy wouldn't even bother to text her. He didn't make any time for her at all, and would even decide to stay home instead of seeing her. They never saw each other very much at all (maybe two or three times a month). I can't tell you how many times he would promise to come hang out, and then he'd completely ditch her. Yet she'd drop anything in a second (including plans with me) if he asked her to come see him.

Since they've been broken up, they've still been sleeping together. And it's pretty much the same as when they were dating: He'll text her for about a week straight, get to see her, have sex with her, and then not talk to her for a while until he wanted to repeat the pattern. Around this last holiday season, he suddenly starts talking to her constantly, and she went to his house about four times which is a lot in comparison to what it used to be. She was all excited, thinking things were getting better and maybe they'd start dating again. Now he isn't talking to her again.

She's very upset and has been texting me about it for a while. I've been very nice about it in the past, but I am SOOOO pissed off at this guy there aren't even words. And I pretty much can't keep my mouth shut anymore. It's all I can do to not start screaming at her and telling her to get over him. He's a douche!!! I've been fairly honest with her tonight about the whole thing, trying to tell her that she needs to do what makes her happy. And I see her way more upset with him than I see her happy with him. He's constantly hurting her, and I told her that's no way to live.

When I said some of the things to her about this she said (texting), "He makes me really happy just sometimes he doesn't communicate with me as I would like and I over-react." To which I told her that she is blaming herself for his stupidness and uselessness. I also said, "Take it from someone who's been an abusive relationship, it's never good if you're unhappy and you blame yourself." She proceeded to tell me she wasn't blaming herself, and I pointed out that she just said she 'over-reacts' to his shit. And that she should be with someone who gives her what she needs and wants in a relationship which she's obviously not getting with this asshole.

After that, she asked if she should just tell him what she wants. I told her that she needs to realize he may never give it to her, and, if that's the case, she needs to forget about him and move on. I don't really know how to say I think that would mean to stop talking to him in general. I really don't think that after you break up with someone you should be friends, at least not until you've both completely moved on with your lives, but I have no idea how to say this to her nicely. She then proceeded to say she didn't know if she could live without him in her life at all, and that pissed me off 'cause he's a tool, and she really doesn't need him. I told her she's strong enough to live without him, but obviously just doesn't understand that about herself. She said she wished there was a way things could work out, and I know she'll keep trying to find one and probably continue to make excuses for him when he's doing his 'nice-guy' routine.

Okay, after this LOOOONG explination about what's going on, I get to the question part. I'm VERY concerned she's going to continue this pattern and let him walk all over him. Now, I love my best friend to death, but she's not the brightest bulb. Not to mention she's probably the most stubborn SOB I know. I blame the taurus in her for that one. This is where I really need help though. I'm too nice to her sometimes, constantly trying to be the peace-maker with all my friends, and I pretty much avoid confrontation...

How do I convince her he's really no good? Is there anything I can do really?

I know it sounds selfish, but I am really sick of hearing about his shit over and over again. I just want her to be happy, and he's not making her happy. But I really have no idea what I can do. I don't want to be rude and tell her to figure out her own shit and leave me out of it, but I dunno how much more I can take. It's getting to the point where I really want to yell at this guy like there's no tomorrow. Or allow those who hate him to beat him up. I don't really mean I would condone that behaviour, I'm just saying I'm so fed up with it that I'm about to go crazy.

What would you do if it was your best friend in this situation?

Note: I hit the enter button before I was done with this... sorry it was an accident!
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