You just took a really massive dump, and as you are looking for toilet paper, you realize you do not have any at all (you didn't look before you sat down for once). There are no paper towels in the room, and the house is inhabited by people - strangers - over for your mother/father/SO/dog/whatever's holiday party. In the room is a stack of clean washcloths, your towel, a sink and your average occupied shower/bathtub combo.
TQC, what do you do?
ETA: It was a messy shit. You can't get away clean. This isn't your house - you're just visiting for a night or two.