☆★The Agile Raincloud ★☆ 星 (nimblenimbus) wrote in thequestionclub,
☆★The Agile Raincloud ★☆ 星
nimblenimbus
thequestionclub

acceptable behavior

Hi, TQC. Love sucks.

Do you think it's acceptable for somebody that you are in a relationship with to call you names?  I don't just mean in a heated argument, I mean all the time.

Do you think it's acceptable or normal to start an argument over something incredibly petty, when the other person doesn't even argue back?

I guess I'm in a relationship now. I don't really feel like I am. I was long-distance with him for  a long time, and I finally moved down here to live with him. He's taken, in the last couple of months, to calling me stupid/pathetic/a failure/retarded all the time. Every day. Multiple times a day. I've never said a mean word to him and I've never done anything to hurt him intentionally. He was brought up by crazy parents that never told him they loved him, and so he thinks that calling somebody stupid or any manner of insult, really, is completely and totally acceptable.

He took an IQ test when he was 7, and he scored a decently high score, 142 to be exact (unless he's lying). My most recent one had me at 137 (taken 3 weeks ago as a project for Psychology class). Every time I say something he disagrees with, he calls me stupid and all the other colorful terms he uses. His "philosophy" is that if I were a "strong minded, intelligent" person (like him, obviously), I'd put up with the abuse and that my getting upset and unhappy is a Weakness, therefore making him Weak and me Strong. Another one of his Philosophies is that I deserve everything he says to me for being Stupid. When I actually ask him what I did to make him so mad at me, he says "You exist".

I can't move out yet because we have a lease until August.

He's also had the audacity to say that if I ask "anybody" to sit in and just listen to some of our conversations, they'd agree completely that I deserve it.

The most recent thing I can remember was this. I left to go to a class (late, overslept my alarm). I arrived to class to find that it was canceled. I had another class in about an hour, and normally I'd just wait for it and save gas. I got two phone calls from him saying "I need you to reset my computer!". Wanting to avoid conflict and being called useless, and wanting to make him happy, I drove back home instead and reset it. THEN he called me up, telling me how Pathetic and Stupid I am for resetting his computer and wasting gas and not just staying in school. He asked me to. I just don't understand where he gets off saying that. Waste of gas and inefficient it may be, but is there any justification for that kind of anger? I didn't get so much as a thank you.

As a result of this being my life for the last few months, I'm anxious all the time and incredibly depressed. He then turns around and calls me stupid and pathetic for being depressed and anxious. I can't very well get out of my lease. I don't have any friends around here at all. I moved 1000 miles to live with him and he turned into a monster. I haven't got anywhere to go and no money to get there. That's why I'm still here.

Here's where you come in, Anybody. What do you think? Acceptable?

And for the record, I know TQC isn't the proper place for this but there is a super high volume of answers here and they come from a large variety of people. I want to see if I really am crazy.... or if he is.

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