Nancy (nnancy1964) wrote in thequestionclub,
Nancy
nnancy1964
thequestionclub

Relationship help, please?

A friend came to me with this problem she's having with her bf, and I'm not sure how to advise her... help?

History - started dating about 15 months ago, he moved in to her house about 6-8 weeks ago. Get along famously together. She's been married before, he hasn't. She had a pretty crappy marriage (mostly ignored by her husband, came in last after work, friends, etc.), her parents/family are good people but pretty cold. He had a pretty wacked-out childhood but came through it as one of the most balanced people I've ever met, and he's really good for her... it's great to see. Neither has any kids.

What she told me today was that she's been kinda bitchy toward him, and he called her on it (as well he should have)... sortof nitpicking and being critical. I know what's eating her - he's "paying for the sins of the husband," she's afraid he's going to start criticizing, or if she does laundry (laundry's his, cooking/dishes are hers) she'll do it forever and end up being the maid and invisible like she did when she was married. She's even told me she's "waiting for the other shoe to drop," but it's really unfair to him - he's done nothing to deserve it, treats her like a queen, would do anything for her, and even empathizes with what she's going through... but he's sick of it, and ya can't blame him.

I don't know how to advise her... I see both sides, she's afraid of getting burned again, but he didn't do that and doesn't deserve to be the subject of so much angst. On the other hand, he could be a little more patient, although he's very much so already, or not let feelings build up so that they all come out at once.

Suggestions? How can I help her let go of the old fears and trust this man who really loves her? Maybe one of you will know something I can use. Thanks.
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