Pumpkin54 (pumpkin54) wrote in thequestionclub,

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Biopolar SO

Here's the long back story: I was with my boyfriend for 5 years. He is not the perfect boyfriend--I will never pretend he was-- but he is my best friend and I have always pictured my future with him. We got engaged last October. He was weird about it, but I couldn't really figure out why. He's always been moody and it's just something I've learned to live with. Two weeks before his birthday in July, he broke up with me. He completely snapped and became a different person. He started drinking and staying out until all hours of the night every day that he could and started sleeping with a really slutty girl about 10 days after we broke up. I had to move out and it was very tramatic.

We have never stopped talking to each other. It seems to be impossible for either of us to do. I still love him.. and I know he still loves me. We both separatly came to the conclusion that he has bipolar disorder and suffered a manic break. Although he seems to be coming down now, he is still seeing that girl and we are still not "together."

I recently read a book called "What Comes Up" by Judy Eron. Her story of living through a manic episode that her husband went through was so similar to what happened in my life that it terrified me. Her husband ended up killing himself because the depression he went into after his manic phase was so deep.

My brain tells me that I can't stay around and wait for him to get help if he doesn't want it. He is very anti-doctor/anti-medication and even though he admits he's bipolar, he won't admit to me or himself that he is out of control. However, I miss him all of the time. I want him in my life. I feel that I am willing to deal with this illness in the future---but I don't know if he will. When do I put my foot down and say, you can't have your cake and eat it too? Why is it so hard for me to do that already? I'm so afraid of what will happen if I do that... and, everytime I work up the nerve to try, he is always is in such a good mood I can't even try.

Here are my questions: Have any of you been in a relationship with a bipolar individual? Am I just holding on to something that isn't there? Could I really be tricked that much by my heart? How long can I be on this rollar coaster?

P.S. any other good books you can recommend would be wonderful.

EDIT: I'm really not looking for help on a diagnosis here. There really isn't a need for me to fully explain why he or I believe his is bipolar and all of his symptoms. I also really hate feeling like I need to defend him- which is what always happens when I ask for opinions on this subject. No one can know what goes on in a relationship- nor can I pretend to be able to explain it in a livejournal entry. We did not just break up because he wanted to go sleep with another girl-- there were other reasons. I apologize if that wasn't clear. I'm not blind and I'm not just listening to excuses for his behavior. If this wouldn't have had any details of his manic break, if I just would have asked: Have any of you been in a relationship with a bipolar individual? What are the major hardships that you have had to deal with in these relationships? Are there any sources that have provided you with support? I feel that these comments wouldn't have been so harsh.
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