Jo (inaliel) wrote in thequestionclub,


Normally I'd be for silly and serious answers, but on this one I'm looking more for the "OMGZ SRS BUSINESS GUISE" answers.

In order to keep my sanity, I am moving out of my house where I live with my parents. I will be moving into either a small house or an apartment with my best guy friend. I live about half an hour from my college, which is why I'm not just getting a place in my hometown. I have to live with someone because I will not be able to afford rent on my own (even with leftover loan money, bah). I never formally asked my boyfriend to live with me, but I know he wouldn't. He's going to grad school in a year, and he enjoys living with his parents too much to want to give that up.

He is not going to like that I am moving in with my guy friend, but despite our mutual attraction/feelings, we are able to keep our hands to ourselves and so on.

Tonight I am going to break the news that this decision is final. I didn't want to bring it up before in case things didn't work out (no point in a fight over something that never happened!), but now that at least some details are finalized, I want to clue him in. The boyfriend is welcome over anytime the guy friend and I are home, obviously, but i do not want him to have a key (I'm just weird like that). I want him to understand that I am not choosing the friend over him, that the friend volunteered to do this without me asking (seriously!), and that I have to do this for me. I have to put myself first for once, instead of putting him, my friends, the newspaper, anything else before me.

It probably is as simple as repeating what I just wrote, but somehow that doesn't seem to convey it exactly the way I want. How do I explain this in the most logical, sensible way so that our emotions don't get the best of us and this ends in a breakup? I realize it very well may end up that way, but obviously I would like to avoid that if possible.

He knows that I will answer as many of his questions as I can (obviously, not every single detail is worked out yet), and that I am willing to compromise to some extent. He is well aware of the fact that I will not be pushed around or controlled, and if he tries either he will be single before he can finish his sentence.

I realize this is longer than most TQC posts are, but if you guys could offer any suggestions, that'd be great. I really just want to avoid the "we need to talk"'s so...lame.

Thanks. :)

EDIT: Look, I know what I'm getting myself into/setting myself up for with this. If there was another option, I would have picked it, but there is nothing else at this point. I would just like suggestions on how to bring this up to my boyfriend in conversation, to try and talk it out like people in relationships should do in serious situations, without the dreaded "We need to talk" sort of lines.

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