"Greetings, pink fleshy Earth thing," they say. "Don't worry, we're not sticking anything up your butt, we recently discovered the Internet and goatse explained everything we really wanted to know. We actually have some questions about your human society we want answered!"
You agree, and they ask the following questions.
1. "We have heard of this 'Jesus' fellow... from the pictures we have seen, he looks like nothing more than a glowing hippy. Will you please explain why he's so popular?"
2. "Through discovering this human device 'television', we have learned that your world's greatest pleasure is watching fellow humans stand there on camera singing terribly and being ridiculed. Why is this?"
3. "All of the Internet and television is a little overwhelming and while it answers some of our questions, it is overwhelming. What would you say are some of your culture's most important qualities? What is it about this planet that makes it worthy for alien races to not destroy?"
How do you answer? (the funnier the better... these aliens have a surprisingly good sense of humor)