Smitha (smittenbyu) wrote in thequestionclub,
Smitha
smittenbyu
thequestionclub

here's the story

J is a very good friend of mine. Through her, her bf and I also became friends. They have been dating for like ten years. End of last year, they broke up because she caught him cheating and the only thing they could work out was a break up. Within a month or so, she felt she had moved on and found someone new; they are talking marriage. The now ex-bf also found someone new. So, during the breakup some of their mutual friends broke ties with the guy because they felt he was wrong in what he did and offered her their support. But now that the dust has settled, their friendship is back and they are hanging out together. J who has now moved to another country saw some photos of their escapades and felt a huge sense of betrayal and is raging mad.

What would you say to J if you were in my shoes? My thing is, let it be. Feel bad for a bit and carry on with life, if especially she claims to be over him. (by the way, majority don't think she is. But we can't talk to her about it and are just being there for her).

In addition, all our conversations are self-engaged. It's always about her and it's starting to get on our nerves. Not once in our conversations does she ask how we are doing, even as a courtesy/politeness. Than God I have skype (another friend ran up a $50 phone bill and had the same complaint)! But yet she is still feeling so vulnerable that one can't be upfront with her. What would you do?
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