i smoke on and off. i LOVE smoking. i am talking about cigarettes here.
i am trying to stop because my boyfriend of 2 years and i are wanting to move in together and he doesn't like cigarettes. i've been more or less quit since last july. but i just... i love smoking. i see myself as a smoker, and i am drawn to people/characters and often later find out they are smokers. i enjoy it and i really don't give a damn about the health problems. i'm not the health nut type of person. i'm only getting into shape recently because my time to join the academy is coming closer and closer and despite my promised spot i would like to go through with top marks instead of sitting low on the chain.
i've tried the gum. it sucks.
i've tried the mint/cough drop type deals and those are more ass than the gum.
at my high of smoking almost 3 packs a day i tried the patch thing and it made me faint. it was too much to fast or something. i tried the lowest dosage and i got the same effect.
when i go without smoking i am mildly more depressed, and i always have to stop cold turkey otherwise i get pissy about it.
what the fuck am i supposed to do? i love my boyfriend, i want to move in with him, and i am sick of feeling guilty after i smoke or rushing to shower and brush the shit out of my mouth until my gums bleed. i would like to either figure out a good way to say "hey, i don't think i will ever quit smoking" and not have him respond with "i don't want to share my life with a smoker" or "you won't quit when you're pregnant"/"i don't want my children breathing in cigarette smoke"
so it's basically i quit for good forever. or i keep smoking and i risk losing him. i mean, he is more important, but i don't want to give up something i have done for almost 10 years, heavily those 10 years, when i don't see the risks as that huge a problem.
do you think there is some middle ground here neither of us see?
if not, what can i do to try and find smoking no longer this wonderful, large part of my life?
i don't think it is some controlling thing. i totally see his points. it really is not fun to kiss someone who smokes when you yourself do not. i'm sure if the situation was reversed and i was telling him i hate cuddling up to someone who smells and tastes like an ash tray and i don't think he'll stop when i get pregnant, people would call him a jackass for not quitting. so what do i do, TQC?
this is literally our only problem. my utter and complete lack of regard for my personal health. the smoking is the biggest part of that, but our only fight consisted of me not taking pills after i had been stuck in the hospital and the doctor told me i could die. give me a good idea, here, please!