errr_yes (errr_yes) wrote in thequestionclub,
errr_yes
errr_yes
thequestionclub

Advice please

Hi. I already have an LJ account, but have opened this one, just to ask this question. Errr, yes. That's how awkward I feel about this.
I am 27 years old, and have had a rough time with depression and anxiety over the past couple of years. I was signed off my work for a year, and subsequently lost my job.
Anyway, six months down the line, I got into a new job, and I have been working there for a few months now. (I was really agoraphobic before, so this is a big deal for me!)
So, everything is going well!
What about my past?
Well, obviously, I am trying to put my worst troubles behind me, while acknowledging that I must always be vigilant so that I immediately take action if my depression arises again.
So what's my problem? My problem is, what to tell new people I meet when they ask me what jobs I've done over the years. At the moment, I am generally lying; I pretend I was working my old job when I wasn't. It's not such a big deal as these are just casual acquaintances. However, can I carry on like this?
My main question is in referrance to possible relationships with guys in the future. Obviously the best relationships are based in trust. But, if I meet a guy, and we are getting on well, and the conversation turns to employment, what should I say? If I pretend I was working my old job for a year, and then we subsequently start dating, would he get all upset when he found out later that I lied at the beginning? Or would he see it as understandable; we didn't know each other very well, depression is a personal problem. Or should I come out with the truth if the topic of work comes up? I can't help but feel it would be such a turn off to hear from someone that they were off work a whole year due to mental health problems!
I mean! I myself have suffered from these problems, and I admit; if a guy were to tell me he was off work for a whole year because of depression, that would definitely put me off dating them. How bad is that? But depression is quite often (I know not always) a recurring illness, and I'm not too happy with the idea of dealing with someone who, say, has a history of feeling suicidal. It's difficult to cope with. (In fact, my family and friends basically deserve medals.) Selfish attitude? I guess it is a bit.

So, I am interested in your honest opinion -
What would your attitude be to dating someone who has had quite severe mental health problems in the past?
and
Would it be important to you to know about these problems before you started dating?
Is it fair to keep quiet?
I mean, I really don't believe my mental health sink quite so low again in the future, but I really have no idea.
Many thanks for any thoughts. I have posted this here on The Question Club rather than a mental health comm as I am interested in the average person's views.
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