Hilary (cricketcat7) wrote in thequestionclub,

You might have seen my post earlier, about my (ex-)boyfriend and me breaking up over his seasonal depression.

Long story short, the reasons for this:

1. Trying to keep up a relationship is putting extra stress on him, which is making his depression worse faster. To quote him: "I think I could probably have fought this off for longer if I hadn't had you to worry about."

2. He doesn't want to hurt me. He knows that as this worsens - and since, for his own convoluted reasons, he refuses to get medicated, he is sure it will - he's going to change, become a different person. He will mood-swing more, be overall a bigger jerk, need more alone time and more space. He knows that since I love him this will hurt me, and he doesn't want to hurt me.

3. When he hurts me (like he knows he will), it hurts him in return, since he loves me. So every time he hurts me it hurts him which hurts me (because I care) which hurts him again and it's just a nasty cycle.

So for these reasons, we decided this weekend to take a break, in hopes that if we were to take a break now, before his changes totally fuck up our relationship, we might have a chance at making this relationship survive in the long run (we can pick it up later after he has things sorted out). We broke up, then, and both of us have been taking it really hard but trying to convince ourselves it's the best thing to do.

I haven't seen him since then - I've been trying to give him some space (his roommate affirmed that he needs it right now). However, tonight I saw a post from him on a website we both frequent:

"I can feel myself starting to crash.
I've been here before, but never has it happened so fast."

I can't help but think the fact that we broke up has something to do with how bad he's feeling now and how fast he's crashing. And I can't help but feel like at least if he had me he'd have a support net, someone to lean on, and I could try to be more understanding so I would get less hurt when he mood-swings... Anyway, I'm about this [] close to marching over to his room and saying, "God damn it, you dumb fuck, you need me. Being with me might hurt you to some extent, but as you can see, being without me is actually hurting you more." Or something like that.

In your opinion, is this a justified course of action and something I should do? Or do you think I should leave him alone to deal with this by himself and hope being apart really is the best thing in the long run?

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