Have you been naughty or nice this year? Would you be getting a big sack of coal, or a bunch of presents beneath your hypothetical tree? Why?
[ If Hypothetical Real Santa came to my house, I think he'd stop being jolly for a long enough time to put 5 pounds of coal in a burlap sack. And I don't think he'd be content to simply leave the sack near my stocking. I really feel like he'd sneak into my room and beat me with it. ]