How much weight would a coworker/fellow student have to gain in a few months before you asked her when she's due?
First time I saw her in pants that made her ass look fat
I would never ask
What clues are most prominent that your SO is a zombie?
They no longer walk, but shamble
Their conversations have gone from detailed inventory of their day and goals they wish to attain, to 'BRAINS'
They no longer shower and seem to have worse hygeine than normal
There's a peculiar aroma in the house that something's died
You have dreams where you're being eaten alive, and wake up with bite marks on your arm
They've become a scientologist
Weekly dinners at nice restaurants have been reduced to watching them catch small rodents in the yard and eating them alive
Complete loss in sex
Their kisses taste suspiciously like roadkill, and Bubbles, the neighbor's missing cat
What clues are there that you're possibly not as smart as everybody else?
You own every Jamie Kennedy movie
You think George W. Bush is a gifted speaker
You would like to meet Britney Spears, but are afraid that she might think you're stupid
300 was an exciting movie and was also your SAT score
Adam Sandler movies are too highbrow for you
Your read Star and People cover to cover
You're glad they caught that Hussein guy for what he did on 9/11
You never passed an algebra class in high school, but in 4 years of classes you had to build 8 birdhouses in all those woodshop courses
You forgot the what happens in Titanic, and have a vague recollection that water's involved somehow
"Well, you gotta pay a lot of money to get your thetans audited. You don't want those things on you when Xenu comes back"
You genuinely feel that Jeff Foxworthy is as smart as Alex Trebec
You've not only wondered where your lap goes when you stand up, but have actually drawn a picture to help understand what happened to it
You have to wear a helmet indoors cause you're always banging your head
When you add up your points in Monopoly in the end, you can't do it without a calculator and a pencil and paper
You wonder why people make fun of Homer Simpson