nothingmuch (nothingmuch) wrote in thequestionclub,
nothingmuch
nothingmuch
thequestionclub

advice column: angry pregnant mistress

Dear Prudie,
I was involved with a married man for about two years. In the first few months of dating, he told me he was divorced, with two kids. I later found out he'd lied—he was still married and had three kids. I walked away, but later allowed him back in (stupid me). Now I am pregnant with his child. We are no longer seeing each other, but he still wants to be a father to his child. However, his wife gave him an ultimatum: If he wants to make their marriage work, he can't have anything to do with our child (except sending money). She called me to confirm that we were no longer seeing each other. I told her we were not and apologized for my part in this very awful situation. I understand that her insecurities are what's causing her to not want him to be a father to our child, but I can't help but feel angry toward her. He told her that since he grew up without his father, he didn't want that for any of his kids, and this baby shouldn't be punished for the mistakes he and I made. He is stuck between wanting to make his marriage work and wanting to be a father to our child. What should he do?

—Stuck in a Rut


What do you think of this letter? Do you agree with the letter writer, that their child should not be punished for their mistake? Or do you agree with the wife's demand that he cut off contact as a condition of fixing their marriage? Is the wife being unreasonable? Does the letter writer have any right to be angry at his wife? What should the guy do?
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