July 29th, 2021


Am I a terrible person for not offering work friend a place to live?

A coworker I'm friendly with has to live extremely frugally - she had a bad divorce and had to quit a better-paying job for health reasons, went back to school for a 2-year degree and is now working full time and trying to save for her own place someday. So she's been renting a room from someone who owns a 2-bedroom condo. That person just let her know she has 60 days to get out, because their cousin is moving into the bedroom my coworker now occupies. She's willing to share again to keep expenses down, especially because rents here are rather high considering the rate of pay for many people.

I just bought a condo and moved in at the end of April. It's technically 3 bedrooms, but I sleep in one, use one for a home office, and the basement one is not furnished but will be a guest room when I buy some furniture in another year or so (I am not done furnishing the upstairs). There's another room downstairs I use for working out, since I'm no longer going to the gym regularly because covid. I've had a pretty rough time the past 5-6 years with a ongoing work stress, a divorce, a subsequent long-term relationship ending, my daughter dying traumatically, and then of course this pandemic, and I have lived in some shitty apartments that whole time. This is the first time I've owned my own home (my ex and I owned a house together and he wasn't great about sharing, like he had an office and I had no space of my own).

I truly don't want anyone in my home, not even a casual friend who pays rent, not even for the short term. My partner comes over a couple of evenings a week, but he doesn't stay - it's not his home, it's mine. I haven't even acquired a dog yet because I just need to be by myself, a lot. I offered to help my friend find a new place, and I offered to help her move. Am I a bad person for not offering her living space?