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May 16th, 2019

Is my MIL in the right? [May. 16th, 2019|06:01 pm]
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[charuby]
I have a strained relationship with my MIL. She picks faults with everything that I do, makes it clear that I'm no good for her son, usually by making passive aggressive remarks to my partner, which he then tells me as he thinks she's 'helping me see the error of my ways' and this time she actually had a right go at me over the phone, which started off through text.

Backstory: Tuesdays and Thursdays, if I'm not working, my partner and I have dinner at her house. I should have been working this afternoon but the shit hit the fan at work, they got no cover for the night shift and I had to stay on and do the night shift after I'd just finished my day shift yesterday. I was shattered by the time I got home this morning. My work covered my shift today so I'm not in. I sent her this text message before I got into bed:

"Hi MIL I'm not at work this afternoon but I won't be round later as be sleeping all day and won't feel like eating a cooked dinner when just woke up. Thanks anyway."

Because I was so tired, I went to bed and woke up around 4:15pm. She sent me a text message back:

"I got you a meal out."

She sent it about an hour after I fell asleep and when I didn't reply, she sent me another one at 1pm saying the same thing. I was sleeping so obviously couldn't reply.

When I woke up, I sent her a reply back:

"Okay thanks can you get 'partner' to bring it round as I just got up and had some breakfast."

She said "No it's in oven already."

I said "Okay, thank you anyway."

She then said, "If you don't come it is going to go to waste."

I replied back, "I told you this morning that I won't be coming round. Sorry but I've just got up and had my breakfast."

She then rang me up and literally started yelling down the phone at me that I'm a liar and that I sent her a message saying I can't eat anything yet I had breakfast, so that makes me a liar, and that her meal is going to waste, and that she tries to be a good person, that I throw it back in her face etc etc. I tried explaining to her that my body clock is out of sync and that I didn't want to eat a cooked dinner when just woke up, and she kept saying that breakfast is the same thing, I'm a liar etc etc. No it is not the same thing. I tried to reason with her but she told me I'm not welcome around her house anymore for dinner and then hung up.

I immediately sent her a text back: "You had no right talking to me like that. I explained to you this morning that I will not feel like eating a cooked dinner as just got up. I had cereals as that is what I usually have at breakfast. My body clock is out of sync which is why I had breakfast when I got up."

She sent this back: "Doesn't matter what you said this morning I cooked the dinner last night. 'Partner' said you had to stay on at work and if you had come round and I hadn't cooked you anything that would be wrong too. I give up I try and do something good and you just throw it in my face, well I won't be making the same mistake again."

This was the last message I sent her: "I'm sorry if you misunderstood my texts, I was tired and might not have come across right, it's just that my body clock is all out of sync. I didn't realise you had done the dinner last night. I thought if I told you this morning it would give you enough time. I just don't think I could eat a cooked dinner when technically it's breakfast for me."

She never text back. But now I'm wondering; was she right? Because I don't think I could have done anything differently but now I'm doubting myself :/

EDIT - She told my partner a load of shit about how I never text her till 4pm. I showed him the texts with the timestamps on them but he said his mums phone's playing up and she probably never got them till late, even though she replied to my first text early in the morning. He refuses to accept that she's in the wrong.
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