If you wrote someone a job reference letter and last minute, the applicant decided not to apply to said job, would you be mad that you spent time writing this letter? Keep in mind that you can then use this letter for future purposes
From the other end, if you were that person who decided not to apply, would you tell the references this or wait until they ask? (You have a good reason for not applying. it's not laziness, etc)
How do you deal with someone who takes everything you say and twists it into something outrageous?
A recent example:
Me: "I think people in our society really ought to be grateful for what they have."
Other person: "Oh! So what you're saying is, everything is just fine, we shouldn't try to improve things."
Me: "no. That isn't what I said."
other person: "yes you did! You totally just said that. According to you, the world is fine and dandy and we shouldn't ever be angry because YOU say so."
Me: "not what I said."
Other person: "*I* am about improvement. *you* are about sweeping world hunger/crime/poverty/insert other bad thing here under a rug and pretending like it's not happening."
Every conversation with this individual is like this, and it drives me absolutely batshit insane. Assume that this is a person I can't just cut out