December 23rd, 2015

Merry Squishmas

The Return of the Needy Ex

So, I was checking my email today, and what to my wondering eyes did appear but this:

I fell recently. Initially, I thought I'd merely bruised a rib, but the increasing pain and discomfort,, especially upon movement, lead me to suspect I may have actually cracked a rib. I think this may be a matter which should be brought to the attention of health-care professionals. Would you be willing to help me with this situation? It is, to say the least, unpleasant.

Thanks, in advance,
Needy Ex

(For those who need more background on why I'm not rushing around getting him medical care, feel free to visit my LJ and pull up the tags "rodney" and "rants". Enjoy.)

Interestingly enough, 2 days before Christmas. And he sent it at 3:30 AM Wednesday.

Now, earlier this year I cracked a rib myself, and yeah, it hurts like a mofo, but I carried on with what I needed to do. I took an extra half an oxycodone when it got bad, but there's not anything you can do about a cracked (or broken) rib for that matter. It's not like they can cast it or splint it or anything. About all a doctor can do is say, "Yeah, you probably cracked a rib. Take Tylenol."

It's not a huge hairy ER STAT!! sort of thing.

I don't know how to respond to this. "Sorry to hear that, call a taxi and go to the Acute Care clinic at the hospital"? "Sorry to hear that, call 911 if it's really bothering you"? "Sorry to hear that, figure it out for yourself"? "That's a shame, what do you expect me to do about it"? "That's a shame, go die somewhere"?

I'm really tempted to say something like, "Oh so sorry, but we've all gone to [some out of town location] for the holidays. You should call 911 if you feel it's that serious." Oh yeah, he sent it to Patrick too.

Opinions? Howls of derisive laughter? Other more interesting responses? All are welcome.