July 13th, 2012


Am I normal? N/N?

Do you ever black out seemingly for no reason?

I'm a chronic insomniac (getting to bed anywhere between 5-9am, getting up early afternoon) but recently, I have been having a hard time piecing together the events of an evening after 1 or 2am.  I have to walk around my apartment and find my keys, phone, put dishes in the sink, etc.  This morning, I woke up to half a box of Cheez-it's on my floor and one of my handtowels cut in pieces.  I cannot for the life of me remember what I was doing with this towel and in my right mind, my OCD self would never have left an open box of snacks on my floor.

(no subject)

Let's say you are doing well for yourself financially while a lot of your friends and family are struggling.  You decided to buy a luxury SUV and iPad. 

Would you flaunt it all over Facebook or keep it to yourself until someone saw said car, iPad, etc.

I kinda think it's tacky, tbh.

(no subject)

I was reading an article recently about physician-assisted death and some of the comments were discussing how assisted (or non-assisted) suicide for cancer patients, etc. living with physical pain is just as selfish and wrong as suicide from depression, or mental pain. Others argued that both depressed people and cancer patients are suffering from an illness and both of their goals is to end their pain - so both are justifiable.

What is your opinion?

(no subject)

You're walking past a middle school when you see some grungy adult hanging by the exit. You hear him shout "Hey kid, wanna buy some weed?' He notices you, gives you a defiant scowl, turns his back and pulls out a cell phone, obviously killing time til the recess bell rings. When he reached into his pocket for the phone, he didn't notice that a billfold fell out. There could be maybe thirty $20 bills. He's walked over to the fence to stare at a tween girl as she's walking to her locker, totally not looking at you. What do you do?

Pick up the billfold and return it to him. It's not mine and it's the honest thing to do.
Pick up the billfold and pocket it and keep on walking
Pick up the billfold, pocket it, and then call the cops on this guy
Return the billfold, and then ask him if he'll give you a discount on some good kush because you just saved him a lot of money
Take the money, use it to hire a bunch of the football team to kick this guy's ass
Leave the money on the ground. I'm not getting involved
Ignore the money and start to lecture him on how scummy it is to sell drugs to kids, how disgusting it is to ogle 12 year old girls, and how he'd better get the fuck outta here before you call the cops


Talking to a fellow about our mutual battle with depression got me wanting to talk about it again so if you don't 'get' depression, just pass this entry by. Don't be crabby with me okay? Hey there is your question mark!

I have been clinically depressed since I was 8 years old. I have been this way for DECADES. I can't remember any other way of feeling; like a large elephant in a small room, I squeeze by it every day to get to the other side while my family tip-toes past it as if it wasn't there. It is an up and down cyclical thing with me and weeks go by where I can ignore the elephant. Although I am diagnosed with depression I am not diagnosed with a bipolar disorder and my life is generally a curvy line but at times it's sharply peaking and and other times plunging like a rock to the depths. It is slowly but surely eating a large messy hole into my very soul. I am shaped by my depression, the person I am today is because the hole in my soul is ragged. Like a pair of lips the wound sucks the life out of me; a beast with a mind of its own, I am but a passenger hanging on to its scaly back. The will to live during those very bad times is something I have to diligently search for.

It is like a vortex, a large dark hole spinning around and around at a slow inexorable pace, dragging me down into its murky depths. I am aware that I am sliding down and claw at the sides trying to save myself but inevitably, down down I go till I can't see any light, everything is grey to me. At its nadir, I lose the ability to see colors, to see beauty, to control my emotions. I lash out, I go on hours-long crying jags that I have no control over, I hide away in my house. The impending doom that hangs over me like a grey cloud crushes the breath out of me. I am reduced to hiding in my bed or pacing back and forth like a caged animal. I AM in a cage, really, one of my mind's own making.

At times, I try to tamp these crushing feelings down with vodka hoping to numb the pain and the fright. This is a double-edged sword though as I know that I will feel worse in the morning. And then one day when I think that it is all too too much and I can't handle it anymore, I awake and notice that I can see the colors again. Just a little bit at first but it is enough to push on. Up I crawl out of the slowly spinning vortex, clawing my way to the top again. I never get to the very top but even to be at eye level with the rim of my own personal hell is enough for me to keep on keeping on.

If you met me in person, you wouldn't guess that I am depressed as I wear a cunning disguise like a shield from the world. I use humor as part of my shield and you can find me cracking jokes and laughing all the time. The act of laughing is so close to crying that sometimes the line blurs and in my dark depths my laughter does sometimes turn into inappropriate sobbing. I hate that lack of control. I am not a sissy-girl. When I feel that coming on, that is when I hide away lest I start crying in stores or bank line-ups. And when I am feeling okay, I am strong and forthright and march forward through the darkness with my head held high.

I am not a tragic star in a play of my own making. I am fighting the good fight against this villain. I went to a shrink for 3 years, I took counseling, I took part in group therapy and life-change courses and have been on eleven different anti-depressants not including the drugs I had to take for the side-effects that most gave me. This is all to no avail though, as apparently I am one of the 5% of the population that is unfixable. I stopped going to the shrink and refuse to take any more of the anti-depressants as I would rather battle the elephant in the room as myself rather than as the stranger that the drugs turned me into. It is a battle that I ultimately fight alone.

(no subject)

What's your favourite snack to have with a cup of tea (or other hot beverage of your choice)? Or do you prefer not to have anything with it?

I'm currently enjoying mine right now - Welsh cakes :)

If you don't drink hot beverages, is there any particular drink that you always prefer to have a snack with? If so, what drink and what snack?
Bin Bons Default

(no subject)

What's the last thing that made you extremely happy?

I just passed my drivers test after failing it the first time, so I am crazy happy right now.

Slightly related question:

What is your dream car? What car are you driving now?
  • Current Mood
    ecstatic ecstatic

(no subject)

Quick, TQC! In an hour I'll be in line at TKTS, the last-minute Broadway ticket booth (I am on a weekend trip to NYC with my husband.)
Which of these sounds best to you? We need to rank them.

Streetcar Named Desire
Jersey Boys
Nice Work if You Can Get It
Rock of Ages

My mom?

When I was looking after my mom after her husband died (and what a love story they had, man). She was in and out of the hospital (actually down the hall from him as he lay dying) and consequently, we both picked up a horrible virus. She got sick first and by this time, I was a spiteful asshole, resenting the fact that I was spending 3 or 4 days a week looking after her instead of being at my own cozy house. But it was my duty, just like it was my duty to look after my dying dad when it was his turn. I am, after all, a looker afterer.

So, I usually slept on the couch but this day, I crawled into bed with her. She was so cold with a fever which made her so hot that her temperature was close to the danger zone. She lived in a cabin in the forest, with no electricity nor running water, her water packed in with buckets from a nearby stream and her heat from a wood stove just like a pioneer woman of old.

You know what they used to do in the olden days? You crawled into bed with your sick person and held them tight. It was instinct. So, I held her tight. The next day it was her 73rd birthday and I drove her home to my house. I had been there for 3 or so days and I missed my family and it was difficult to look after her properly at her place. I was halfway home and I got hit with the bug of doom, as in right now. I had to pull over to the side of the road and puke my guts out. My mom was so upset that she had given this gift to me.

I got home and I crawled into bed and sweated out this gift for 5 hours or so, could not even move. And then when I was done, I knew what my poor already very ill mother went through, without even one complaint. I miss my mom.

She only lived six months later than her husband. My mother's favorite song was this. Listen to it. Hug your mom today.

warhol zebra

(no subject)

What should I have for lunch? Options: pasta salad, a grilled cheese sandwich, bean soup, ramen with broccoli and egg, mac n cheese, and a 3-day-old leftover chile relleno in the fridge. 

Is anyone else having problems with last.fm lately? Mine stopped scrobbling on the 4th and it's driving me nuts! :(

What are your plans for the evening?

Night After

You got completely hammered the night before. It's a total blackout. You don't remember anything that happened after 10pm. As you're assessing your room, you notice something unusual. Which of these finds would be the most disturbing thing to discover after a night you don't remember?

Pentagram drawn onto the floor in chalk
Half the curtain in your room is burnt to a cinder
4 large pizza boxes, empty. How many people were here last night?
3 spent bullet shells by the window
Shaving cream and dog hair in the bathtub. You don't recognize the color, but at some point, a strange dog was shaved in your tub
Expensive $1,000 purse. Hmmm, I hope I didn't purchase this last night. It'd really be a burden, financially
Condom wrapper in the trash can
The shirt you wore last night has a red handprint on it. Blood?
A man's shoe. Size 24. It looks like a clown's shoe.
You're topless in bed and wearing a dozen Mardi Gras necklaces. You see the empty box of a disposable camera in the trash and a Girls Gone Wild cap on your nightstand
All your toilet paper has been used to TP your bedroom
Polaroid picture of you while you were sleeping
Vomit on the bathroom, right in front of the toilet. Someone didn't make it
8 empty bottles of vodka. You wonder how much of this you drank
Your shoes have fresh mud on them. You notice similar mud on a nearby shovel, which adjacent to a roll of duct tape and garbage bags
devon ramen

(no subject)

I have some friends who are in a rock-metal-alt-idk band and I really dont like that genre or their music (my friends'). They always invite me to their gigs and whatnot though and I'm running out of excuses.
Would telling them "Sorry but I'm not into that kind of music so I dont want to go" be too harsh? 

(no subject)

Would you eat cake without frosting?

To me, cake is just an excuse to get to the delicious frosting. You eat a can of it for lunch and suddenly people are worried about you.

Do you call it "frosting?" or "icing?" My sister calls it "icening."

(no subject)

TQC, what are you doing today/this weekend?

I am on vacation, visiting my SO. I am waiting for her to get home from work. I am taking her out to dinner and then I think we are going gambling. This is my last weekend with her :(

(no subject)

What profession would you never want to have?
What profession would you like to try? (if given the opportunity)

also...if you enjoy "trail mix" (and I use that term loosely)
What do you like in it?

After spending the week visiting in the hospital, I would never, ever, ever never ever be able to handle being a nurse.

(no subject)

do you remember a time when you heard, "you'll understand when you get older"? what was all the fuss about? did you understand later on?

parents of tqc: when has this been applicable in your childrens' lives?

(no subject)

I have a whole lot of skincare and hand creams and stuff that I don't want. I know what works for my face/body now, and they don't. Aside from asking my friends if they want it, is there anything else I could do with it apart from throwing it out? Some has never been used, some I've used a little bit, but nothing's more than half empty, at the most.

What type of body and skincare products do you use?

(no subject)

What is the treatment for OCD?

I'm pretty sure I have it, but I've been wary about getting treatment because I don't know how they do it. My fiance and family are really urging me to go see someone about it lately. I compulsively pick my fingers/scabs/hair/eyebrows to the point that I bled. I also have picked up this habit where I "pop," my nose like you would your knuckles by pushing the bulbous tip back and forth across the cartilage. It's starting to really hurt my nose, but I can't seem to stop. This compulsion has replaced my constant swallowing, which was a replacement of another one before that, etc.

My only thing is, it's not really connected to stress. I don't do it more or less when I'm stressed. I just always do it. Is this normal?

(no subject)

So I just went to deposit my check from work and the teller told me he "cant deposit this check and I cant tell you why. But they'll know why."

What the heck does that mean?? i need my money now! I'm broke and I got bills to pay!

(no subject)

Do you put self pics on Facebook?
If so, what is your reasoning?
Is there a certain age when taking a picture of yourself and putting it online isn't okay anymore?

I've been guilty of putting a picture on here during picture posts, but I feel like that's slightly different than positing it on Facebook without prompting.

(no subject)

You are being evicted from the country you are currently living in. (Is evicted even the right word? I don't think it is) BUT you can move to any country you choose. (So its like a friendly eviction)
What country are you living in? What country do you move to and why? and please do not skimp on the why part.
she blinded me with science!

(no subject)

Have you ever been on a flight that had to make an emergency landing? What was the reason?

Are you afraid of flying?

I have not. But I am irrationally afraid of flying. Every time, I'm certain that I'm going to crash and die. Also, when landing after long flights, my right eye hurts like someone stabbed it with a needle.

It doesn't help that I know flying is only safer than driving for flights over a certain distance, because the danger of driving is roughly proportional to the distance, but the danger of flying is mostly in the takeoff and landing. Those little connector hops are the worst.
sad falcon eyes

(no subject)

I, what the fuck is that on the ceiling?

edit: also do you leave a meat thermometer inside of the oven while meat is baking or only stick it in when you're checking. like will it melt.

(no subject)

For those with iPhones who have the cheapest data plan, how many times have you went over your data limit?  My sister told me it's really expensive if you go over the limit, but I don't want to spend a lot on the data plan.
patterns in nature

graph theory hail mary

I'm trying to find an algorithm for identifying arbitrarily-sized sets of edges or vertices in a connected graph which, when removed, cause the graph to become disconnected. When a single edge or vertex has this property, it's called a bridge or a cut-vertex. And identifying those is hard enough. But I can't find anything at all regarding sets of them... what such sets are called, or how to find them.

For example, in a graph with 10,000 vertices, I'd like to find all sets of 3 or fewer vertices which, when removed, leave the graph disconnected.

Anyone here an expert in such things?

Edit: I could also obtain the information I need using set theory, but I know even less about that field of mathematics. I could state my problem as: given a set A containing sets of integers, does there exist any set of integers B of size n or smaller such that every set of integers in A contains at least one member of B?
Blue Exorist

(no subject)

So I was using tongs to break chicken apart to put it away in a bag. I sliced my finger open with the tongs.

I think the most ridiculous thing I have cut myself on is a plastic shaving cream lid. Also have cut myself on plastic tape dispenser.

I guess I'm a bit of a klutz.

One time my Dad dropped a fork and it landed into his big toe. when he pulled out the fork there were four small marks on his big toe. Once he went to take a picture, he walked backwards killed a baby cactus with his foot.

So I got to ask, What are STRANGE ways you have accidentally hurt yourself?