|How would you feel/What would you do?
||[Sep. 8th, 2011|06:46 am]
The Question Club
My SO temporarily moved about 1,178 kilometres / 732 miles away from home to work in the oil field industry. Awhile ago I came to visit himand have decided to stay until December. He works long, hard hours (usually leaving the house around 5:50 AM and returning home at 7:45
PM). His job can be mentally and physically grueling at times.
Recently,he's started going to the bar after work with his boss. Part of it is to relax/unwind, as well as part of it is to build a relationship and show that he's committed (he's looking at getting a very hefty promotion within in the next month or two). So, understandably there is a need to maybe "impress" his superior.
Since going to the bar, he's come home late and drunk twice in the span of 6 days. When he does this, I have no warning. He doesn't call/text to let me know he's going to be home late. I always change/alter my plans to make sure I'm home at 7:30 and that dinner's ready or close to it.
There always seems to be some sort of excuse as to why he didn't let me know about his plans - twice it was because he "forgot" and "didn't realize to", and last night was because he didn't have his phone with him (and apparently did not want to use his bosses cell, or a phone at the bar).
Everytime he drinks with his boss, that means he's getting in a truck with a drunk driver to come home. In addition, when he comes home he is a little bit eratic (including calling me some names, and putting me down), and as of last night he became a bit paranoid. While he's at the bar drinking, I've been waiting at home for hours worrying about him (there is an element of danger to his job), as well as I'm generally starving because I've waited so long to eat dinner. Also, if he does not go to the bar after work, he still does have anywhere between 1-4 beers on the drive home almost every single day.
MY QUESTION: Would this upset or bother you at all? Why? Do you see anything wrong with this? What would your reaction be? All I have asked for from him is that if he's going to be coming home late, then at least give me a call and let me know so that I don't have to sit at home bored, worried, and hungry, That way I can go ahead and eat or make plans of my own and know that he's safe and okay.
He doesn't seem to see anything wrong with this, and in fact usually gets fairly mad at me, because I am hurt and bothered by it. He also seems to be making excuses for himself, because he's doing extremely well at work, he oftens says "I'm still getting up every morning and going to work and taking care of my responsibilities." This is starting to cause a big problem between us and all the blame seems to be on me.
TL;DR - My SO's working a long, hard job and has started drinking a lot more. He sometimes goes to the bar without any warning (no phone call or text) and comes home late, fairly drunk. While he's at the bar I'm at home waiting, worrying, and starving, because I wait for him to eat dinner. When he goes to the bar he gets in the car with a drunk driver to come home. Once home he is a bit eratic (sometimes calling me names and putting me down) and is a bit paranoid. He doesn't see anything wrong with this and always gets mad at me for being hurt and upset. All the blame seems to be on me. Would you be upset or bothered by any of this at all? Why? What would your reaction be?