"I can quote every Steven Segal movie ever made...both in English and Spanish. Huh? No, I don't watch a lot of movies in general"
"It took several years, lots of surgery and hormone therapy, but I eventually became the gender I wanted to be" (this person looks like an attractive member of the sex you're attracted to)
"Um...this may sound strange, but I'm currently enrolled in clown college"
"What am I looking for? Ultimately, marriage and kids. A bunch of them. Not that I'm looking for that from you. No pressure or anything. Seriously"
"....and the wheat thresher just kept on going, and that's how I lost my leg. Up to my hip bone"
"This is so weird. My ex has a shirt like that. JUST like that. God...such good times. I miss him/her *sniff*"
"Liberals are such hypocrites. Fuck em. Not that I watch Fox News or anything, but I feel more people need to embrace conservative morals"
"You ever gone hunting? It's kind of exciting. You're laying there, your rifle trained on the animal's face and you pull the trigger. The kill's better than sex"
"I'm a virgin. Saving myself for marriage"
"Lost my virginity at age 9. I've probably shagged more than 100 people in my life"
"I was with Chris for 9 years. Chris was the only person I ever dated. So, I totally don't know how to date, or what to talk about. Bear with me"
"I know this is our first date and all, but I feel really close to you. Really close, like I could tell you anything. We may be soulmates, destined to be together forever"
"My ex said I was too controlling. Hah! How ridiculous, right? People make too big a deal about having to check in with their S.O. for everything. That's trust, right? If you trust me, you shouldn't keep any secrets"
"I collect My Little Ponies. I have like hundreds. It doesn't mean I'm gay or anything. They're just pretty"
"Was it just me or was the waiter flirting with you? What a creep. Just say the word and I'll kick his ass for you. I'll make a scene. That's how much I respect you"