|Jerk or realistic?
||[Apr. 25th, 2011|09:42 am]
The Question Club
My nephew is five years old and even knowing that this is the "norm" for his age group I still can't bring myself to the coddling.|
He draws the same random scribble "I'm a good artist HUH?!"
Repeats that he knows what 1+1 is again "I'm smart HUH?!"
Picks up a light rock "I'm strong HUH?!"
Where I'm like in my mind...
No, you drew the same random scribble again.
No, your just repeating a memorized phrase at this point.
No, it's not even heavy for you!
It's like, show me some effort, some progress and then MAYBE I will give some praise, but only if I choose to and recognize such and if you request it your not getting it. To me it gives a false sense of what is growth/good and someone is not always gonna be hovering over showering you with compliments. I think it creates dependency and stunts growth.
I know affirming others is important but constant ego stroking? Eh. Am I putting to much on his five year old head?
EDIT: Ok people took my post into the more extreme spectrum. If my nephew brings me a drawing I don't scoff at him and rip it up. I can admit I can be a bit dismissive but not overtly rude. This was my main concern where I am painted as a monster for not gushing and praising. I said I QUESTION it in my MIND.
I will ALWAYS acknowledge him, a nod or "ok", but I just don't gush at something that didn't take effort nor growth and is just being used for attention. Positive reinforcement and encouragement, yes important. Yet why are people telling me to do it for someone doing something that didn’t even take effort or energy? Because he is five?
I am concerned because I encounter adults everyday that are expected to be validated and praised for doing next to nothing and it's obvious to me now it's because they, and yes myself, were conditioned from a young age to be like that, from like I dunno, five.
I encourage, I praise, when I see my nephew growing, when he takes that next step because he realizes it is right and finds something in himself, not because he is expected to be praised just because. In an ideal world yes, I am trying to be REAL to him so he can survive in this REAL world.
I knew I was putting myself out there but to be painted a monster for doing such, well I find it rude. I will take the advice to be less dismissive and it gives me clarity to know that it's more about attention. Yet still, no one really expanded from the OMG but he's five someone think of the children bit. In this world if you want attention and praise and validation do something attention worthy, praise worthy and validation worthy. Not because, oh I am here so I can request it.
I love my nephew and he loves me and that is why we will give one another attention and I know he is capable of more and won't put him in this box of "woe as him he is five" which I think is the problem.
Ultimate summed it up for me which was the point of the post from the start: "I think you are completely right that praise should be earned instead of received for the most mundane things. We already have a society that believes each one us should be an instant superstar despite any obvious talent. Just look at all the reality show auditions if you want proof, especially American Idol! Maybe if a little reality was instilled at a young age we would not be so deluded. I am not saying to withhold affection or general benevolence to a child, but they need to know these differences."