May 26th, 2010

My Fierce Bitch

(no subject)

I have to get up in five hours for school.
So
gay, lesbian, or straight porn?
Why?

I like lesbian when I'm masturbating, and gay porn when I'm bored.
I don't like straight porn. I don't know why though.
wtf

(no subject)

What's the nastiest thing you've done recently?

As I refreshed this page I sneezed and a not-so-fine spray of mucusy liquid which coated all over my screen, keyboard, and touchpad. Gotta love allergy season. JFC I really hope I got it all wiped up.
cardigans

(no subject)

My job is starting a Weight Watchers at Work program. I'm curious about it, but a 12-week session (with 8 weeks of online tools) costs $144.

Do you think that's worth it? I'm 5'5 and 215 pounds, so I definitely need to lose weight and make some new life changes.

(no subject)

What's the last thing that happened that you thought was really screwed up?

My best friend's premature daughter is in the hospital and the baby's dad told her "I want a girl that can give me a healthy baby." Wtf.
bench

~srs question~

I'm SO happy I'm a gay man so I don't EVER have to realistically deal with this question but:

If you (as a girl) were having casual sex with your friend (with absolutely no emotional attachments whatsoever, purely for fun) and then you turned up pregnant, what would you do? If you chose to get an abortion, would you tell him? How? Why?

I'd get an abortion and wouldn't ever bring it up. I feel like it'd be an unnecessary conversation. But IDK I'm curious as to what other peoples' opinions are on this issue.

(no subject)

would you post your name here so i could give you a cute internet nickname?

ok i am too high for this, not playing this game. YOU ALL FUCKED IT UP, I MEANT USERNAME. FUCK. i'm embarrassed.

this post is dirty & ruined

Taken for a ride

(no subject)

Bitter TQCers,

Have you ever had a REALLY significant part of your life just go terribly wrong? For example, your boyfriend proposes to you and when you announce it to everybody, your sister decides to announce that she got knocked up and is having an abortion, thus placing nothing but negative attention on her and ruining your day? Or if you had a wedding that ended up being a disaster? Or the guest speaker at your graduation keeled over and died of a heart attack?

Please share the gory details.

Easier question... which is better, the icing or the cake? I prefer the cake part, myself.
girls » barbie

(no subject)

Have you ever won a contest? What were the terms and what did you win?
I am entering a karaoke contest and am super nervous about it. BUT if I win I get to meet the band, and they're my fave country group!!!!

What about a sweepstakes or a raffle?
kesha roxxx

(no subject)

The past couple months I've really been getting into foursquare as fun, harmless competition with my other nerdy friends. I was never one of those people that was worried about privacy until tonight

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If you DGAF, do you use foursquare? Do you believe it has benefits as a social networking tool or is it just a way for privileged people to show off how cool their social life is?

I'm sorry, I'm not trying to confuse anyone. I thought foursquare had actually leaped in popularity recently. Check out http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Foursquare_%28service%29 for a better explanation.

edit: I told him to have a good night and I defriended him from all my social networks.

MURDER

Who do you think is more culpable* in each scenario:

...one who kills after a month of planning the murder of their SO for cheating OR one who kills out of a fiery rage instantly after finding their SO cheating?

...one who was hired to kill and paid a hefty fee OR one who called the hitman and paid the fee?


*as in, who should be punished more severely (they may both be punished, but who is the WORST?)

And you have to pick one.

ETA: YOU HAVE TO PICK ONE! Even in the second scenario.
Also, forget anything you know about the law. I just want to know what you think, if you were in charge.
groucho

(no subject)

When the new company takes over my contract in 2 weeks, I will be without internet at work.
WHAT WILL I DO?

Ya'll are my surrogate dysfunctional family!

What will my legacy/epitaph be?
groucho

(no subject)

the IT demons are going to forcibly install "programs" in 13 minutes.
What does this mean?
Will I be able to get back here after the forced re-start???

halp!

EDITOMATICAL:

I AM NOW PART OF THE COLLECTIVE

JOIN THE BORG OR DIE!!!
stone eyes

(no subject)

TQC, I was late this morning and I got in trouble for having my wrist tattoos showing as soon as I got to work. I'm really irritated with myself for being so stupid.

What was the last thing you were mad at yourself for?

Are you having a good or a bad start/end to your day?

On the flip side: What's the best news you've received lately and will you share with the class?
eyeroll

(no subject)

About how much time do you actually leave yourself to get ready for work in the mornings?
How long does it take you to drive/get there?



I have this awful habit of leaving myself like ten minutes to get ready and make my lunch.
L&O - Jack

(no subject)

Hypothetical...

You are accused of a crime. Nobody's dead or seriously injured. You didn't do it, but you have a sucky alibi and there's a good chance you'll end up being found guilty if it goes to trial.

Would you consider taking a deal for something you didn't do or would you have faith in the justice system that you'd be found innocent and risk a longer sentence?

What if someone had died, would your answer change?
polly

(no subject)

I hate to make these kinds of posts, but I really need some help. What do I buy my sister for her birthday?

Here are the pertinent details:
-She's turning 42 but is more like early 30s in style and attitude
-Owns her own clothing boutique
-Likes to work out
-Like to travel (within the country)
-Doesn't drink
-Likes to gamble (casinos, recently started being interested in horse racing)

I usually get her work out clothes or DVDs but that's getting boring. I don't want to do a gift card. I did ask her for ideas but she never got back to me. Please help!
alice

(no subject)

Am  I the only one who thinks that this is completely superfluous?
(It's a soap pump you don't have to touch.)
Their argument is the soap pump is covered in germs. You're washing your hands anyway, you don't need this!
Belle bookworm

(no subject)

What do you feel inordinately guilty about?

(I'm in a super grumpy mood and didn't open the door to my friendly Jehovah's Witnesses - we usually have a good ten minutes of interesting, lively debate over issues, and I'm feeling ridiculously guilty about it.)
Rainbow Skull

(no subject)

Have you been craving for anything lately? Do you often resist the urge or give into your desires despite knowing better?


I've been wanting cinnamon flavored things for over a month now. The spicier and less sweet the better but Starbucks scones have been calling to me and there is a store right down the street...
Quills

(no subject)

Do you like cinnamon toast? What is a breakfast food that you have only on special occasions?
Should I watch BSG Season 2 or should I just read a motherfucking book?

Collapse )

What's for lunch (or whatever meal is next for you)?
depresson

For those who use tanning beds

So I received a tanning gift certificate from someone who wasn't going to use it. I can use it for 3 free 15 minute tans or for 25% more minutes on a regular purchase of tanning minutes, however I have never used tanning beds in my life (i'm 24). I'd say I tan relatively easy.

For those who have used tanning beds before what's the experience like? Did you enjoy it or not?
Would you recommend the 3 tanning sessions or the 25% more minutes on a purchase?

I would like to use the tanning certificate to tan for a wedding in july.
ha ha

(no subject)

I'm getting new emails saying people are replying to a post I made on here more than a month ago and that they have been commenting and editing their posts just a few minutes ago.  However, I went to the original post and found out that is not true. No one has added anything since last month. Is this happening to anyone else?
marble

(no subject)

Where can I buy Collapse )

It's just a plastic cone filter for coffee. I don't want to buy it online (I know Amazon has it) but Walmart, Target, Bed Bath & Beyond, Starbucks, and local grocery stores don't sell it.

ETA: Never mind, I found it. You just have to go to a store not in the ghetto, lmao.

Deep Tissue Massage

Hey I'm getting a deep tissue massage for the 1st time ever today to hopefully help my neck issues. I've never had one before, what should i expect? Do I need to do anything before hand (with a normal massage I was told to drink a lot of liquid to help my body flush the toxins, not sure if that's also important with this type)??
Chi finding joy in a shoe

(no subject)

I'm taking my foster dog Kanga to Petsmart on Saturday since the rescue that's taking care of all her bills are showing their adoptable dogs.

What kind of questions should I be prepared to answer?
Pocaface

(no subject)

Do you avoid buying any type of food or drink because you know you will just consume it all in one sitting/within one day or something? If so, what food?

I think I'm gonna have to start doing this with bread wtf.
Take a Look

help me pic a

If you have a touch screen phone, do you like it? My phone is eligible for a free upgrade and one of the options is a Palm® Pixi™ Plus. Good phone y/n? (I've never had anything fancier than a a Razr soooo I'm a bit behind the times)


DC/DK: Do you like your phone? What kind is it?
  • Current Music
    The Puppini Sisters: Jilted
cesc

Via the radio this morning

There's a website that lets you post an outfit + the occasion where you will wear it. Complete strangers will criticize and comment on it, telling you to change it or keep it.

Assume TQC didn't ever exist and so you wouldn't ever ask us.

Would you post your outfit on this website?
Would you take the criticisms to heart?
polly

(no subject)

When you plan to take a sick day and aren't really sick, how far in advance do you call? What do you say?

I plan to do this on Saturday and I'm thinking about it way too much. I never call out so this is a major stressor. I'm even thinking how long I should wait to post anything on Facebook lest any of my coworkers catch on to my ruse. Help calm me down.
typewriter

Woof Woof Yum!

My puppy seems to have some sort of tick borne illness that isn't Lyme disease. He has to take some pills, and is fighting us viciously over this. He hasn't been eating much, and the peanutbutter trick doesn't work. We've tried a whole bunch of different foods. Today at lunch I found out he -loves- Smart Dogs. This is great! He took one of his pills. I'm going to try giving him another one of his pills in a minute.

Should I be worried about the sodium in the Smart Dogs? He'll only have like, 1/4th to 1/2 of one a day, and one dog has 310 mg of sodium. He's a cute little Mini Aussie, so he's only 20ish pounds.

All I know is that dogs shouldn't have chocolate grapes and onions. Are there other things I should watch out for? I've found some sensationally written things about soy so I have no clue if I should trust that, and my vet isn't in for me to ask.

My mom thinks I should just feed my dog the damn Smart Dog since he's begging for them and hasn't eaten well at all for the past few days. Do you agree?
Quills

(no subject)

Do any of you sew, stitch, embroider, knit, weave baskets, or anything like that?
How did you learn how to do your particular craft?
Are you willing to post pictures of your work?

If you don't do any of these, what other talents do you possess (aside from anything having to do with sex, alcohol, or drugs)?
  • Current Mood
    busy industrious
Georgie - Smiles

(no subject)

Hey TQC! Can we have one of those posts where you comment, and then people request things they would like to hear you record yourself saying?

also are you getting notifications? because I think I'm missing some of mine. :(
house

tomatoes

I have a bunch of tomatoes that I need to use. I want to cook something for dinner tonight that will use tomatoes, so they don't go to waste. I don't mind going to the store to get other stuff.

If you had tomatoes, what would you cook for dinner?

When you were a kid did you have any foods you wouldn't eat? Did you have a reason for not eating it?

I wouldn't eat pizza. My mom tells me I used to cry whenever they'd get pizza and say, "YOU CAN'T EAT PIZZA! IT'S MY FRIEND!"
woman

(no subject)

When e-mailing resumes to potential employers, should I include my cover letter in the body of the e-mail or send it as an attachment?

I've seen a few sites say never to send anything with attachments as some companies automatically block anything with an attachment. How true is this?
Magic

(no subject)

All of TQC is on a plane, flying over the Andes, when it crashes deep in the mountains. The part of the plane where the lurkers were on ended up on another mountain entirely, too far to reach. Days pass and it's getting evident that no one's coming anytime soon to rescue us. That being said

1. Which member of TQC do you cuddle with for warmth?
2. Which member of TQC do you pick as your password partner (it's a game, and there will probably be a lot of games played to pass the time)
3. What useful skill could you bring to the group?
4. If we have to create our own society, which person in TQC would you elect as our leader/king/president?
5. When the food runs out, which member of TQC would you select to be eaten first?
Arts - Stag

(no subject)

Have you ever "tamed" a wild animal?

I'm trying to make friends with a crow that lives around my house. I've been leaving granola bar bits out for him whenever I see him around. What else should I give him that will make him want to come back?
Hel

(no subject)

My boss just called me on my cell, to tell me that there's $0 in the cash box at work. I closed up the office last night, I know for a fact there was a $20 bill and a buttload of change inside when I locked the safe.

What's the last lame/stupid thing that happened to you or that you heard about today?

What are you doing this weekend? I'm going to my mom's house for the weekend, for my brother's hs grad on Saturday, and her university convocation on Monday :D
BEAUTIFUL FLAWLESS ETC

(no subject)

do any of you use verizon as your wireless internet provider? if so, what have your experiences with it been like?

i use verizon and my internet will work fine until about 9:30 pm or so, at which point it starts repeatedly shutting itself on and off until the following morning, especially if it has just rained, and even though this has only fairly recently become an issue, i have used verizon since june of 2007, as far as i can remember at least

dk/dc/dgaf:
who is your internet provider? do you know anyone who still uses dial-up internet?
hearts

(no subject)

The only TV show I really watch is Criminal Minds. Unfortunately, the season finale is getting close and soon I will have nothing to do. What TV shows would you recommend to me?

I plan on having a huge online/dvd rental marathon to catch up to whatever is/will be playing on TV. Or just watching the entire thing online, if the season is ending.

What shows do you actively follow?
Autumn Pink

(no subject)

So you are going to be spending a long weekend away from home...you have a house you can crash at, you also have a tent and air mattress, a picnic basket and a little bit of money but not an exorbitant amount. (Maybe $75). You are spending it with a person you love to hang out with (can be friend or significant other). What do you fill your days with doing???

I just loaded the first 300 songs onto my first iPod and I'm in love. I have amazing music again after many years of starvation. What groups or songs are straight up AMAZING that you think I should check out? (I listen to a myriad of awesomeness like Vampire Weekend, Imogen Heap, Counting Crows, Bloc Party, Yann Tiersen, Damien Rice...)

Annoying stuff happens

I just sent out the same e-mail twice, but decided to "take back" the second one...or so I thought.   How many confused phone calls do you think I will get now?  One from all 6 people,   half of them, or none of them at all?  


Collapse )     





Edited:  God people...just forget it!  lol
nana smoking

(no subject)

A week into my summer break and I'm already bored. My best friend has work tonight and can't hang.
Should I stay in and play MMOs, try to hang out with my ex, call up a fuck buddy or something else I've not thought up? (I cannot drive, btw.)
How quickly do you/did you get bored during the summer?

DK/DC: What did you want to be as a kid?
birdoncup

(no subject)

Today I went to the National Zoo with my son's class. It was hot as fuck, but all of the animals we went to look for were out and visible which was pretty awesome.

Do you like zoos?
When is the last time you went to one? Which one?

Do you find them a little depressing?

I do sorta. I know it's really important for kids and adults to be able to observe different species and learn about them, but I never see animals look overly ecstatic about being there in the caged areas.
MLP - pinkie chicken

(no subject)

We're going here for trivia tonight. I honest to god don't know what I want for dinner but I am starving. I know I have asked this before, but I am menstrual this week and could pretty much eat an entire cow. Suggestions? What would you get with a $20 bill?
Hel

(no subject)

What is something about your country/state/area that you think is really stupid? It could be a law or local legend or regional brand or whatever.

Ex. In Canada, you cannot put caffiene in non-brown coloured soft drinks (i.e. Sprite/7-Up, ginger ale, Mountain Dew). I think this is extremely retarded, but w/e. CFIA calls the shots.
b + w  /  p a w s

(no subject)

I was just on a forum & came across a woman who was asking "if she did the right thing" by putting her sweet, darling puppy down for biting her & her husband in the face. She was upset, but seriously, training the puppy, hell.. even giving it to a loving home that could actually train/work with the pup would have been infinitely better. They didn't even give the poor thing a chance. I'm just surprised that the vet even allowed/did such a thing without at least exploring options..

Would you put a puppy to sleep for biting you? I mean, seriously? Fucks sake.


DKDC: What has made you rage today?
Drops

(no subject)

What annoys or irritates you most about your job (/volunteer work/employment situation/etc)?

My boss procrastinates SO much. I asked off for vacation in June months ago and he approved it but has yet to figure out who is going to cover for me when I'm gone. We're shorthanded which makes this hard, but this is also because he has been procrastinating hiring someone. He's a great boss in every other way, but this is so frustrating.

(no subject)

What's your favoUrite Pink Floyd song?

ETA: I saw a comment on a YouTube video by some prepubescent kid:

fucking god awful, i heard some people talking about how great this band was so i thought i would listen to them, fucking gayest shit ive ever fucking heard. wow id rather listen to lil wayne.

WOW. that is unbelievable how somebody could say something so idiotic. what do you think of this person?

(no subject)

Right TQC I desperately need to lose about 3 stone (apprx 42 lbs or 16kg), so could you suggest some filling low fat meals? Recipes would be nice

Also, whats your favourite 'naughty' food?
  • Current Mood
    discontent discontent
cardigans

(no subject)

Is there an inexpensive way to get Microsoft Office on my laptop? Dell said it would cost $119 to install it through them. 

Have you used Open Office? Do you recommend it? Why or why not? 
jw

(no subject)

which outfit would you prefer to wear to a serious business James Brown dance party?

a black and white checkered dress with a collar, black buttons with white anchors and a large circumference.

or

a white dress shirt halfway buttoned up over a white tank top, tucked into men's dress pants tailored into shorts, about at the knee, possibly with suspenders.
latexandleather

(no subject)

Do you read fashion blogs? If you do, what are your favorites?

Can you recommend me a good hairspray? Preferably one that is flexible (doesn't harden/create a helmet) but holds well.

Will you show me an article of clothing/accessory that you are dying to have?

(no subject)

Do you shop at Sephora?
If so, what are your favorite products?
I get a free birthday gift if I make an online purchase (too lazy to go find an actual Sephora near me), so I'm thinking about buying a few things online.

If you DON'T shop at Sephora, where do you get your cosmetics/war paint/anti-stink spray, etc?
(Usually I'm just a drug store kind of person, and that's only when I lose one of my eyeliner pencils or something: I don't wear much makeup usually.)

What color is your car/bike/scooter/shoes/skateboard/primary method of transportation?

(no subject)

One of my aunts has just died and the funeral is this weekend. My grandma refuses to go; citing "not wanting anything to do with family drama and fuss" and a grudge that she's been holding towards her for years as the main reasons. I suppose I can understand why she would want to keep her distance from family members of questionable sanity, but the grudge I do not.

I think i'm just going to let this be. You're all right, it is her issue to deal with.

How do you feel about funerals in general? How many have you been to?
Clem & Joely

Moviesss

1) Was the Transformers sequel worth seeing?

2) Can you name any upcoming sequels/remakes that aren't widely known about yet? What do you think of them?

2) I'm actually looking forward to the 4th Scream movie. Thenn, it looks like a Sherlock Holmes sequel is being planned. A remake of "The Birds", it'll either be interesting or turned into a cheap and stupid horror movie. Pirates of the Caribbean 4. That's all that's coming to mind at the moment.

(no subject)

Has anyone ever worked for CVS? How was your experience?

I used to work there and I hated it. The managment sucked, they would leave food and drinks in the isles and the shift managers never did anything. They also made us cashiers so jobs that I'm pretty sure they were supposed to be doing. We were always understaffed, nights can get busy and most of time it was one cashier and a manager to run the place, leaving the lonely cashier to do ALL closing chores like vaccuum, returns, damages ect. I understand the manager has his jobs like counting out draws but most of the time I had to rush to finish all the chores. Sometimes I couldn't even finish them becuase we custumers right up until we locked the doors. I felt too much was excepted from one person in too short an amount of time.

Never worked there? What was the worst thing that ever happened to you at work?
is a beaut

(no subject)

have you ever heard of the slang phrase 'sweet as a nut' meaning good?

yes, i use it and love it
0(0.0%)
yes, i've heard it once or twice maybe
4(9.5%)
no and it's rubbish i hate it it doesn't make any sense
17(40.5%)
no but i like it
8(19.0%)
hahahahahah
6(14.3%)
ugh
7(16.7%)


EXAMPLE OF USAGE - this youtube video at 0.27 (which is really funny by the way). transcribed edition - helen of troy says she'll marry menelaus of sparta, he says 'sweet as a nut mate, YES!'.

BRIEF BACKGROUND - i heard it and decided it was the best thing ever and keep saying it and thought it was completely made up but my mum tells me it's a very well known phrase.
time

job interview wear

what should i wear to a post graduation entry level job interview?
all four years at school we've been taught to wear the standard black suit with minimal makeup and boring hair. only yesterday i went shopping at urban outfitters and found this awesome purple skirt that i feel l can pull off if paired with a blazer and work appropriate heels.

so is it possible at all to spice up an interview outfit?
poemsvdragons

(no subject)

do you have candles?
will you describe them? or show us?

do you have fancy candles that are only for decoration or do you tend to burn them all?

do you have emergency candles for when the power goes out? if so do u also have emergency matches or lighter?

dk/dc: do you have any sentimental songs or albums? what are they/what do they mean to you?
Belly Dance

Gene Wilder can.

Who can take a sunrise
Sprinkle it in dew
Cover it in chocolate
and a miracle or two?


DK/DC: Do you like musicals? (I have a friend that says she doesn't but then refers to the ones she does like as "movies with musical numbers in them" so feel free to think of them that way, if you'd like)
If you do, what are your favorites?

(no subject)

I'm home from school for the summer and I applied to a job at a dog day care center in an animal hospital last Wednesday. My sister's going to the same place tomorrow to get her dog groomed and she wants me to go with her and ask if they've had time to look at my application.

Is it annoying to check up on an employer a week after you applied, or does it make you stand out in a good way? I've never had a real job so I'm kind of a newbie at this. D:
TK and Kari

(no subject)

School buildings:

Did you have outdoor campuses made up of a bunch of little buildings like a mini college campus, or did you go to one giant building full of hallways, like in the movies?
house

(no subject)

If you were going to a costume party what would you dress up as?

My housemate and i are throwing a Halloween going away party for ourselves in June and I'm looking for ideas.

I'm thinking I might go as Piglet and wear this hat. If I do this, what else should I wear?
time

recommendations?

so deviating from my previous post a little bit: where do i go to buy work attire? specifically a suit? i'm petite too, if that helps. i've never been work clothes shopping before so any and all advice would be really helpful! please and thank you!
Deathly Hallows Poster

(no subject)

If you were to become famous, what would your relationship with the press be?

Would you be an open book or very private and attempt to avoid paparazzi?

If you were to create a on-stage/press persona, what would it be?

Currently, I'm in a band and we are about to be picked up by a record label and I'm really afraid of giving up my privacy. I really don't want my life to become public knowledge. So I think I'm going to go full on character actor mode. I'll probably go crazy. But it's okay! My persona is an android who accidentally time travels and is discovered by my bandmates. I have a whole history/story mapped out...a lot may not be "revealed" to my audience, but whatever, its for me mostly.
LolFox

(no subject)

I'm in the mood for another picture post, sooooo

Will you lovely badasses show me your SCARS? And perhaps add some back story if needed?

Edit: Sorry, I didn't mean to hit a touchy subject :/

FREE FOR ALL PICTURE POST?!

Mine's in the comments!
  • Current Music
    Jimmy Eat World - 23
X-Men//Magneto

(no subject)

I need to reinstall itunes, but the page is loading really slowly. It's been five minutes and it hasn't loaded yet. Can you guys access it easily? (It's not my connection because every other page loads fine.)
What was your last unexpected expenditure? I just spent about $300 to get my computer 'fixed'.

(no subject)

Does it annoy you if someone flippantly says "Haha sorry, I have Tourettes" if they are swearing a lot?

I might be being really petty but it pisses me off no end. I have a patient at the moment with Tourettes and her tic is stamping her foot, so hard that she has actually now broken her own ankle, and she still can't stop doing it. Seeing how much pain and distress she is in makes me want to punch anyone who uses the term flippantly just because they happen to swear a lot.

The same goes for saying "I'm so OCD!" Just because you like like keeping your bedroom tidy doesn't mean you have fucking OCD.

Am I completely ridiculous for getting so irate when people make remarks like this?

(no subject)

My sister left a pair of underwear with a pantyliner stuck to them laying on our bedroom floor. It wasn't all gory looking but still. How should I punish her?



If I had though of it earlier I would have taken pictures and posted them on facebook with her and all her friends tagged in them but it's too late and she's cleaned up already and that might be a little too bitchy for me.
cred: mellow_lights

(no subject)

tonight i went to mcdonalds to grab some dinner and i ordered a quarter pounder combo, went all the way home and opened it up and found all that was in the burger box was just a bun. no meat or cheese, nothing. i took it back and all they did was give me a new burger.

should i make a complaint?

what messed up crap has happened to you at fast-food places?
evil toys

(no subject)

What was the last awkward conversation you had/were tricked into?



Brought to you by my dad surprising me over dinner with discussions of accommodations for an upcoming wedding, and wondering if my SO and I would share a hotel room because "I don't know or care if you two engage in sex..."  

(no subject)

I have a playwriting assignment. I have to write a three scene play, in which there has to be the following present -

-One scene, a person must speak better then I do, i.e. more eloquent
-One scene, a person must speak worse then I do, i.e. less eloquent
-One scene, no one can speak.

With those restrictions, what should I write?