May 15th, 2009

virginiawolfj

recently ive noticed

i dont have a very good selfesteem or confidence
i can trace this back to several things in my past; childhood, past relationships, cheating, etc.
and the past week more so than ever ive wanted to be active in combating it
as i feel its starting to interfier with my current relationship
i want to try and get over this once and for all, i feel like ive had a burden for 5 years
so what im asking is does anybody recomend any books on the subject?
self help books
strictly non religious, please dont insist, as i was once told, that i have a 'god shaped hole in me'. i really dont.
thanks for your help x
me

...

1. What's the best concert/local show you've ever been to?
AFI (Sing the Sorrow days), and NOFX on Warped Tour... they played The Decline LIVE!!!


2. Worst concert?
The one I passed out at. It was indoor and I was getting smacked in the head by some dude who was waaaay into the music. The next thing I remember was my exboyfriend screaming at people to '"look the fuck out!" as they almost stepped on me. 


3. Will you name one band you HAVE to see before you die?
Lagwagon, Strung Out, and Alkaline Trio. If they all played at the same show, that would be preferable!



If you don't care, will you take a picture of yourself at this very second, without changing anything and post it as a reply?

  • Current Music
    I've Found Away by Alkaline Trio
divine

(no subject)

I've been up for a while feeling really nauseous and like I'm going to puke but I haven't yet, and I've had other severe symptoms. I'm very sure it was something I ate.

Should I call out of work tomorrow anyway even if I don't end up vomiting? Or do you have to puke for it to really be food poisoning?

ETA: I just puked. TMI I know but this confirms that I have food poisoning and I don't see it going away by tomorrow. Do I leave a message calling out now or wake up and call out in the morning?
gentleman

(no subject)

sometimes when i drink something really cold, my stomach cramps up, and i feel like curling up in a ball and dying for a bit. does this ever happen to you?

if you don't care, what color/pattern are your pillowcases?
hurt

Pill bugs

My ground-floor house has suddenly become overrun with pill bugs - those nasty little black or brown ones that curl up into a ball if you touch them. It seems endless, i get a few and there's just as many the next few minutes. It's freakin me out.
Is there anything at all I can do or spray to get rid of them?
Is there anything in particular that would cause them to appear all of a sudden?
Are they at all dangerous/do they bite/spread disease?

(no subject)

I've been pulling an all-nighter for my astronomy final in the morning, and like a devoted TQCer I decided break-time would be best spent asking questions in an attempt to calm my nerves. Seriously, I feel like the world's going to end.

1. Have you ever pulled an all-nighter before? What for?
2. Were you able to stay awake on your own or did you need caffeine or other perks to keep you going?
3. How long was it before you finally crashed the next day?
4. ... and how long after that did it take you to wake up again?

If none of this applies to you, will you tell me why you're awesome and why I should think so too?
Peyton sig

(no subject)

 Have you ever gone camping? Do you like it? Any words of advise for a camping newbie? 

Are you familiar with the term "Ghetto Bird"? Where are you from?

Edit: To anyone who's curious, to us Coloradans, a Ghetto Bird is what we call the police helicopter. 
  • Current Mood
    cheerful cheerful
Brown

(no subject)

What's the strangest writing topic you've ever turned in a paper about for school?
What did your instructor think about it?

When I was studying engineering at MSU, I had to write a detailed "how-to" manual for my Tech Writing class. Having just come back from Field Training (I was an ROTC cadet), I chose "How to field strip and clean an M16".
My professor loved it, seeing as he was a former Army officer and a current Reservist.

*edit for another question*

What are you doing today?

I'm at work, but in 30 minutes I'm going down to the military appreciation picnic on base to spend the day grilling burgers and dogs for all the sailors. Much better than being in an office all day...and I love cooking on a grill.
ponyo

(no subject)

1)Do you prefer the western medical model or more 'natural' care?

western. Tell me if it's going to kill me, give me a pill, and let me go on about my day.

2)Home birth or hospital?

hospital.

3)Child free, no child but ok with kids, or childed?

child free.
Jenny Saville

(no subject)

TQC, it's my birthday! But I am stuck at home alone. I have about two dollars in silver coins at my disposal, no booze and three cigarettes. I can't drive and so far, everyone I could hang out with is busy.
What should I do to celebrate?
I am going out to eat with my mother tonight, but I don't want to do nothing all day, because that's what I do every other day. Srs and non-srs quite welcome.
  • Current Mood
    happy happy

(no subject)

My kids (boys, ages six and eight) run around naked half the time and I have several interesting and amusing pictures of them naked (in the bath, playing with the hose in the backyard, coloring all over themselves with markers, etc.). We sent some of them to family members and they freaked out over worries of security and pedophiles.

Have times changed so much that such things are no longer socially acceptable, or are people being reactionary and worrying too much?

Please share any related thoughts you have on the subject of naked pictures of one's kids for the family photo album (not posted publicly anywhere, just shared with friends and family and kept for posterity).
malcolm giggle

(no subject)

continued from this post...


why do you think it is so common these days for people to be non-religious, or simply not devout in their faith, whereas older generations tend to have very strong religious beliefs?

(if this is not clear, i apologize. i wasn't quite sure how to word it...)

does there just happen to be a lot of atheists/agnostics/non-practicing believers in tqc?
Kitty Lick
  • arewar

Bored

So I'm at work. I've finished my work for the day, I've read all the news, I've searched over livejournal for the last hour and a half, and I'm sick of solitare. I can't install flash or any software at all on my work computer.

What can I do to entertain myself until 5?
TCEB (Taking Care of Evil Business)

Stanks for the lift

There's a new person at your work and he's stationed next to you. You'll be seeing a lot of each other from here on in. He seems like a nice guy, mid 40s, except he reeks of B.O. No one else seems to be bothered by it. He catches the bus to work daily. One day, the 2 of you are talking by the water cooler when the discussion of neighborhoods comes up, and it turns out that he lives a block away from you. "This is terrific! We'll have to carpool every day. Here's my address. I'll see you in the morning". You're going to be having his smelly ass polluting your car. What do you do? What will you tell him to get yourself out of this predicament, or will you just have to hang an extra perfume tree from your rear view mirror?

Have You Had A Good Week?

I haven't. Everything was going fairly okay, until this morning when I get a glass of milk and drink half of it before realizing it's gone off and is sour. Half of it's still sitting in my gut, but I didn't retch enough to bring it back up. Fucking stores and their cheap milk that goes off the next day.
  • Current Mood
    sick sick
jus chill

(no subject)

1. what are you tired of?

i'm tired of the bullshit and only the negative being highlighted where i work. It's really draining. & sucks the joy out of living.

2. what was the last email you sent about?

getting to this guy better.

3. what was the last thing you said out loud, and who were you talking to?

"i'm not sure what she looks like but she's speaking about education so it must be her" to my boss who asked whether it was the minister for education speaking on the television.
elvis

Designer Handbags

I am looking for websites that sell authentic designer handbags.

Everything I Googled seems like a fraudulent site.
I've also checked all the big dept. stores like Neimans, Bergdorf, Saks.

Do you know of any website that would be of help?
Surgical mask

(no subject)

What coincidences have occurred* to you lately?
I've encountered two posts with the same/similar icons to me today, and I'm on lj less than usual.

What do you think the appeal of a naughty nurse is? Are they supposed to be comforting, dominatrixy, or other?

What would be the best sex costume evar?
Uncomfortable

(no subject)

I googled this, but all that came up was how to reformat a USB drive.

I was using my brothers computer and I had my thumbdrive plugged in. It was working fine. I got off my brothers computer and switched to mine. Now it says the USB drive needs to be reformatted. That sucks REALLY hard because I have over a gig of data on it. Music files, pictures, pdfs, all sorts of stuff. Reformatting will delete all of it. I am extremely upset at the idea of losing all of it.

Is there ANY way I can get the thumbdrive to be read again with the files without deleting them or reformatting it?
0 - America the demented

Trying to keep this simple

Interrogation Techniques:
  • Because they were made legal, they weren't considered to be torture.

  • If they hadn't been made legal, they would have been torture.


  • A rose by any other name.

    Do you agree with this assessment?
    • Current Music
      Supernatural
    alice

    (no subject)

    Things are a bit weird with my SO. I was planning to end it the other day and then chickened out, but managed to tell him that I don't want us to be together when I go to uni in 4 months.
    He's been ill/sicky since, and very attention seeking, yet this is all i've heard about.
    So, am I being unfair to expect him to be a bit nicer and shutup about being sick all the time (when im sick he ignores me) or should I be nice considering I was about to break up with him and its my fault that he's ill?
    This is so stupid and petty, but part of me thinks he should be grateful I didn't end it.

    (no subject)

    Does Pandora.com build its playlist based on similarities to your original selection, or does it evolve from song to song to song? Because I started off with a Pavement (band) station and now it just keeps playing the Pixies and the Strokes, and musically the style keeps deviating further. Just wondering if anyone is familiar with Pandora's algorithms.

    Also, what is so good about chili fries? The chili makes the fries soggy, and chili sucks to begin with.
    cardigans

    (no subject)

    1) Do you ever get bumps in your mouth from eating popcorn? I wonder why I do.

    2) Strawberries and chocolate pudding, yum or weird? 

    3)  Have you seen Terminator 2? 

    4)  Are you critical about the 10-second rule? 

    5) Do you count to three before entering a cross-section after your light has turned green? 

    6)  What are you going to eat for dinner tonight? Do you usually plan that stuff or just wait until the mood strikes? 

    (no subject)

    I'm watching a special on the Heaven's Gate cult.

    Do you think you could ever be seduced into becoming a member of a religious cult? Most people who belong to cults are normal, intelligent people, but do you personally feel you could be susceptible to that kind of brainwashing?
    Spiral of Light

    (no subject)

    This is potentially a dumb question, but how do I know how many of what value stamps I need to mail a letter? I tried looking it up on the Canada Post website but I couldn't find an answer. (Unless the value on the stamp is simply how much it costs? IDK. I used to collect stamps, you'd think I'd know this.)

    Yeah, that was a dumb question. So, um, how's your day going?
    AAAHHH!!!

    (no subject)

    According to this article, a lot of gross stuff is allowed into our food. Based off this

    Food Can contain up to...
    Canned Pineapples 20 percent positive mold tests
    Canned Tomatoes 5 fly eggs and 1 maggot per 500 grams
    Frozen Broccoli 60 mites per 100 grams
    Ground Cinnamon 400 insect fragments and 11 rodent hairs per 50 grams
    Peanut Butter 30 insect fragments and 1 rodent hair per 100 grams
    Popcorn 20 gnawed grains or 2 rodent hairs per pound
    Potato Chips 6 percent rotten chips

    how much revolting shit do you think you've eaten basically not on accident in your lifetime?

    I, personally, do not care to even begin to speculate. But I still love peanut butter.
    Shameless

    (no subject)

    You're at a bar with your SO, enjoying a typical Friday night. Couple hours later, in walks a rich person of the same gender you are. She/he is dressed in a suit that probably costs several grand, and is chatting up the bartender. Later, your SO asks the bartender who that person is "Oh, that's the CEO of Exxon. Richest person you'll ever meet". A bit later, the CEO walks up to the two of you and starts talking. "I drove here in my new Lambourghini Murcielago. It's top of the line with every possible feature installed. It's valued at close to 400k. However, I don't like it. The seat feel a little cramped to me. I was going to trade it in, but I see a better offer. I really like your partner (nodding to your SO). I'd like to spend the night with her/him. In exchange, I'll give you the keys and registration to my car to do with what you wish. How about it?"

    I accept. One night of dirty sex in exchange for a car worth over 300k? I'll get over the jealousy eventually and the money will change our lives
    30(36.6%)
    No. Money isn't enough to get between my SO and I.
    27(32.9%)
    Can we get a ride in your car if my SO just gives you a kiss instead?
    0(0.0%)
    "If you want my SO for the whole weekend, it'll only cost you an extra 25k. Total bargain"
    12(14.6%)
    Other
    13(15.9%)
    WTF?

    (no subject)

    What are the weirder LJ communities that you have come across? Mention them either by name or their point, or both.

    I just saw a promotion for one that was a rating community, nothing silly new there, except it was for your Sims character!
    • Current Mood
      amused amused
    Paperclip

    (no subject)

    I'm really sorry to ask, but can anyone at an educational institution, or with some other mode of access, copy pasta me an article about Mintzberg's coalitions?
    My uni remote login system sucks and I can't access anything.

    What is the worst thing about your place of study/work?

    How much would you pay for someone to do your assignment for you? You can't be moral and refuse, there's a gun and stuff.

    (no subject)

    so my used xbox 360 pro 60gb came in the mail today and when i turned it on the red ring of death kept blinking D: then it went away and turned on. will it come back? i thought that meant that it was dead forever.

    also i can get the wireless controller to respond to the xbox i pressed the center button on the controller and all it is doing is blinking but not reacting to the xbox. wtf do i do?
    alice

    (no subject)

    Would it be a super bad idea to bleach my (dark purple/plummy) hair then put red over the top?
    Is there any way I can do this without it being orange at one stage?

    Would a hairdresser do it for me?

    ETA: X-posted
    d'oh

    (no subject)

    Let's say you only have $$100.oo and the rent ($87.00) car payment ($60.00) and car insurance (47.00) were due and you still need clean under-roos and some groceries....

    what wouldn't you pay?
    or how would you pull this miracle off?
    timepunching

    (no subject)

    Who is your current worst neighbor?

    Mine is some bitchy woman (who has a terrible vanity plate) that got a temporary handicap pass so she can park in my roommates spot, who is permanently and for reals handicapped. When he moved in originally, the space wasn't handicapped, and it was her parking space. He got the office to change it so he could always park there, it's easier for him.

    eta: I've seen her walk from her car, she doesn't walk any different than I do. I don't know how she got it.
    Dog
    • keskt

    (no subject)

    If you dated someone really hot (out of your league, maybe) and then broke up, and then starting dating someone who was cute, and you were attracted to obviously, but really just not as hot as the first person-

    Would you still fantasize about your hot ex? Would you ever feel "bad" that you were dating someone not as hot?

    (no subject)

    Hey tqc'ers...

    have any of you ever tried the master cleanse(aka the lemonade diet, aka how beyonce got skinny for dream girls) ? how'd it go? tell me everything.

    i really need a change in my life; physically and mentally, and it sounds like the master cleanse may be the way to kick start it.
    Brown

    (no subject)

    I'm about to head out the door to meet up with my dad (best man) and brother-in-law (groomsman) to get fitted for our tuxes.

    I should go with a full purple and gold pimp leisure suit with leopard print vest, feathered slouch hat, tails, and a pimp cane. Y/Y?

    For the married people, what were your wedding colors?

    For everyone else, when you do situps, do you cross your arms over your chest or cup your hands behind your head?

    If you've never been married AND don't do situps (or just want to answer another question), what do you smell like right now?

    a baking question

    Hey TQC, I'm making some muffins and the recipe asked me to mix together 1 egg, 1 cup of milk, and 1/4 cup of melted butter. The problem is when I poured the melted butter into the milk/egg mixture, it solidified into little chunks, because the milk/egg mixture was too cold (straight out of the fridge). I'm certain it's the butter that solidified, not the egg that got cooked. Can I still continue using this and mix it into the dry ingredients + bake?
    garth marenghi

    Help - job seeking advice?

    I am a graduate, I worked really hard during my degree and got a 2.1. I worked various jobs whilst I was there and before university in customer service and administration. Yet I am finding it literally impossible to get a job and it is really getting to me. It has been almost a year since I left university and yet all I've mananged to get is a couple of short term temporary jobs and two internships.

    I'm still applying for jobs everyday but I'm losing so much motivation. The agencies wont take anyone new on and say to apply online, but I'm applying for 5 - 20 jobs a day. Relevant ones and with tailored covering letters for each one and yet it feels like I'm sending my CVs into a black hole because it's rare that I get a call back or even a rejection letter. I'm not setting my sights to high - I'm applying for low skill customer service jobs up to admin work. One of the interviews I went to they actually said they wouldn't employ me as I had a degree and other people needed it more. Which I thought was a joke since I worked all hours to fund my degree and I'm in a huge amount of debt. I've had friends in similar situations but either things just work out for them or they dont seem to care. I cant cope with being unemployed and have worked 3 jobs most of the time since I was 12. I recently found out that a couple of friends who dropped off my course are in really well paid jobs now.

    Can anyone give me any advice? I really dont know what to do. I live in London. I thought my CV was quite good but maybe it's not.

    EDIT: by advice, I dont mean I need it pointed out to me that this is a recession and that it's hard to get work after uni. I know these things, that's why I'm asking for advice.

    (no subject)

    Today in we were talking about post-modernism theater, and my teacher was explaining that he once went to a play in which the stage was surrounded by plastic, kind of like what they do at the site of a quarantine.  The audience didn't really know what was going on so they just walked around and looked in the bubble and mingled or whatever.  Then some girl who was supposed to be an audience member (but obviously wasn't) started stripping.

    This went on and one by one different people started to strip.  Some audience members left the bubble, some audience members went into the bubble, and some audience members started stripping right along with them.

    So, TQC, what kind of audience member would you be in this situation?

    hate pimentos

    (no subject)

    Quick!  Should I have a high-fiber English muffin and some Light chocolate Silk (soy milk), or a bowl of Fiber One Honey Nut Clusters and regular milk?

    Alternately, who wants to help me pack?
    just a bill
    • lyndz

    (no subject)

    So one of my friends who I haven't seen in ages sent an email to a bunch of people to see if we're interested in going to an AHL game (Hershey Bears) on Sunday. Sunday is when I play kickball and flip cup. My last game was cancelled and I haven't seen the kickball people in a couple weeks (because of mother's day and whatnot).

    Would you go to kickball or hockey?

    (no subject)

    i have been doin pain pills lately. oxycodones and hydrocodones. i broke down to my bf and told him "yes i've been doin pills." he gets all mad and tells me that's bad, but he does them like everyday of the weekend.

    why r ppl such hypocrits when they do shit too?
    whats so bad about painpills anyways i like them, i can't help it but i do.

    (no subject)

    i realize i just posted a question recently but this one was sitting on my mind.

    has anyone ever been cheated on, if so i want the story and how you found out, and how you dealed with it.

    THanks.
    solanyxe

    (no subject)

    EDIT: Thank you all for the comments. I didn't respond to everyone so I just wanted to say thanks for helping me put things in perspective and assuring me that I'm not crazy (at least not in this instance). :D

    ~*~wedding dramaz~*~

    So my mother-in-law to be has chosen a very similar dress to the one my mother has bought for herself for my wedding (similar style and colour). When my mother found out she totally flipped and demanded that I tell my mother-in-law that she needs to change her outfit. What I ended up doing was emailing her and explaining that my mother was concerned that the outfits were too similar and might she consider getting the same dress in a different colour (and to let us know if it was not possible so we could find other options). I tried to do it as diplomatically as possible but I don't think there's really a good way to make such a request.

    My questions are:
    1) Do you think my mother is overreacting? (I think so)
    2) What would your reaction be if you received such an email and were in this position?
    3) Is there any good way to handle this?

    I'm hoping that my mother-in-law turns out to be more reasonable than my mother. I personally think the whole thing is a fuss over nothing.
    • Current Mood
      annoyed annoyed
    fab Julie

    (no subject)

    Ever had a dream come true?  Tell me about it.

    Once I had a dream that my best friend was pregnant with a baby boy. A few months down the road she got pregnant...and it's a boy.

    (this question is not restricted R.E.M dreams but applies personal fantasies too)

    (no subject)


    What is your favourite Blink182 song?

    What did you get your boy/girlfriend for their last birthday?
    I'm buying mine a double sleeping bag for camping trips i'm going to force him on!

    • Current Music
      Our Velocity- Maximo Park

    (no subject)

    Hi TQC,

    What should I have for dinner tonight?


    I just don't know.
    I even googled it, and the quiz I filled out said sushi, which would be FANTASTIC, but I live 100+ miles from any sushi that I would trust eating :(
    Young Ron Jeremy
    • itone

    Would you?

    Would you date a guy that wasn't your "type" physically? This guy being really nice, funny, respectful, flirty, easy going, a real great guy overall, and in general someone you wouldn't mind being in a relationship with. BUT he doesn't look like the type that you like and get HOT for. Would you date him?
    • Current Music
      Future Lovers - Madonna
    Legal drug quatresprincess at greatestjo

    (no subject)

    Have you ever had a crush on a Teacher or Professor?

    Has one ever gotten in the way of a class or became crazy awkward?

    oh yes. I donno why, but if a prof is funny, clever, and/or brilliant I'm on him like white on wonder bread. I choked once during a presentation cus of it.
    d20 :: natural 1
    • kiraya

    (no subject)

    The good thing about my SO bailing on our plans was I went to see Star Trek with my sister, and it was awesome. I'm gushing to her about it later, and she admits to never having seen any Star Trek. At all. Ever.

    1. HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE? D:

    2. Since getting her to sit down and watch five TV series and eleven movies is not really doable at the moment, what would be best way to give her a crash course in the Trek universe?

    3. Would you recommend your favorite must-see Star Trek moments? I'm having a hard time boiling it down.

    ETA: Y'all are unbelievable. :(
    • Current Music
      Michael Sembello - Maniac
    Da Good Book

    (no subject)

    I was given a copy of The Satanic Bible, and reading through it I realized I've never made it through the other bible. The biggest stumbling block I remember was the book itself - the paper and the formatting. Is there an edition out there that uses regular book paper instead of the onionskin junk, isn't in the two column format, and is mass market paperback-sized? Bonus points if it's inexpensive or Gideon-free, and has margins big enough for notes. Lastly, is the KJV a good enough version to read, or should I look for a different version?

    While I'm here, I'm also interested in reading Dante's Divine Comedy. The last time I poked through them at the bookstore I saw roughly eighty thousand different translations by different interpreter groups. Is there a "best" English translation of the book? There were some that also had cultural notes, how necessary are those to help understand it?

    (no subject)

    If it applies to you, do you paint your fingernails and toenails the same color or different colors? For instance, you paint your fingernails red and your toenails purple. Or, you paint your fingernails red and your toenails red too.

    I've been saving random change in a jar for the past few months just for the hell of it and I have about $60 saved. What should I do with the money, TQC?

    Should I...

    Put it in my savings account
    7(9.3%)
    Put it towards my credit card bill
    41(54.7%)
    Buy a Six Flags Seasons Pass
    12(16.0%)
    Spend it on hookers and blow
    15(20.0%)

    Rudolph

    (no subject)

    1) What would you say about someone who earnestly believed that dragons existed and they had seen one?

    2) What if it was UFOs instead of dragons?

    3) What if they also said they recently realized they were an empath, not a psychic?
    girls » barbie
    • fame

    (no subject)

    TQC, have you ever had a coworker who acts like you totally shit on them, when really you pick up their slack all the time?

    I can't tell you the number of times I've covered for this coworker when she's been sick, not felt like coming in, etc. I have come in for her numerous occasions so she could go do something else, even on days I specifically requested off. Yet because I've requested 6 days off out of the 26 we're open, since my little brother is graduating and there are church services etc., she's flipping her shit.

    How can I not so subtly reference all the times I've helped her out? What have you done with passive aggressive/asshole coworkers?



    How often do you wash your hair? What kind of shampoo do you use? Blow dry or air dry?

    (no subject)

    I've noticed on some U.S. Driver's licenses they put your weight as well as your height.
    In Canada (O Canada!) we only have to put our height down.

    Do you have to put your weight down where you're from?
    Do you think it makes sense?
    im french

    (no subject)

    What, exactly, is wrong with the "childfree"?

    Not people who just don't want their own children, I'm specifically inquiring about the childfree. (The ones you seem to only find on the internet. The ones who are "bingoed" by a billboard with a baby. The ones who lobby for age requirements to be in public domains. Those who find the sound of a child laughing to be similar to nails on a chalkboard. Don't ACT like you don't know.)
    gentle

    (no subject)

    Where you live, do you have a building that says "University of Phoenix" (you know, the online university)? What goes on in there?

    I should add that I saw one downtown here. Should I investigate? lol
    • Current Music
      Phoenix ♫ Love Like a Sunset
    im french

    (no subject)

    I have this friend who is a freegan and bums around the US. This summer, she stayed on my couch for more than a month, and contributed nothing. She was disgusting, rude, obnoxious and a thief. We used to be good friends, but I can't have her at my house and be sane. I just can't.

    However, she is in my city, and has been staying with someone else, thank god. However, she can no longer stay with this person, and is essentially homeless. She called me multiple times today, and I just now picked up and she was all "dude can I stay with you please I have nowhere to go" and I was pretty much like, "Meh, I'm just going to bed/long week/waking up early" and she was all "dude help me out" and I was like, "sorrymangoodluck!"

    but seriously, am I being a bitch? What should I do about this?

    (no subject)

    do you ever reach out to people hoping for a reaction even though you're almost positive you won't get it?

    do you ever feel like being alive is neat/amazing/wonderful/bizarrely awesome (like a.. total awe at being able to exist)?