||[Aug. 6th, 2006|12:02 am]
The Question Club
What would have been a good alternate ending for Beauty and the Beast?
Beast changes into a man, but Belle really liked him better as a furry. He has to dress up in a furry suit to get some action
Before Gaston could storm the castle, PETA intervenes, and whisks Beast off to mate with a beast in Russia to preserve the species
After several years of successful tax evasion while masquerading as the Beast, the prince is now hit with all those taxes plus interest., and the prince is rendered destitute.
Gaston and the Beast discover a new, erotic curiousity when they confront each other, and run off together, arm in arm, and open a bathhouse in Germany
The Beast was never housebroken. What was overlookable as a big animal is now aggravating as a twentysomething human when he poops in the corner. Belle leaves in disgust
What would have been a good alternate ending for Pochahontas?
John Smith convinces Pocha's dad to build a casino
Pochahontas gets knocked up, pressures Smith for marriage. Smith fakes his death to get away
The Virginia Company gets Pocha's tribe to sell their land for some Pottery Barn beads and blankets
War happens anyway between the two groups. Everybody dies.
Pocha realizes that John Smith is pretty dull and can't see the colors of the wind and dumps him. Heartbroken, he becomes a drunk
What would have been a good alternate ending for A Bug's Life?
A lightsaber battle to the death between Flik and Hopper
The grasshoppers succeed. All the food is plundered. The ants all perish from starvation
The entire cast is wiped out by a can of RAID
What would have been a good alternate ending for the Lion King?
One day, after a particularly snarky day, Simba devours Timon and Pumba cause, well, he's a LION! He never receives the encouragement to return to the pride
Simba's captured and placed in the zoo, where his new best friend is a zebra and sounds a lot like Chris Rock
King Mufasa didn't die after all, but like Darth Vader (also voiced by James Earl Jones), was rebuilt with cybernetics
Scar beats Simba in battle cause Scar's a survivor and Simba's a whiny little bitch
Simba goes through the wardrobe, meets 4 kiddies, and frees Narnia
What would have been a good alternate ending for Cinderella?
The Prince is really into shoes...and feet. The Prince tracks down Cinderella with her glass slipper...just to have x-rated sex with her tootsies
The Prince really is pretty shallow. Once he sees what a wretched bag lady Cinderella is, he hooks up with her stepsisters for a threesome
Cinderella and the canine stagecoach driver wind up having sex in the back of the pumpkin carriage before the ball. Months later, she gives birth to puppies
Upon finding the glass slipper, the movie then shows how the Prince is a major transvestite, and spends a good deal of time working it in front of the mirror in complete drag wearing the slipper
The Prince marries her, but he stills makes her wash the floors, stich clothes and wash dishes, cause he's an asshole
What would have been a good alternate ending for Snow White?
Snow White goes through an experimental phase, living with 7 blue-collar, red-blooded midgets, and has her every sexual fantasy realized. Never calls the Prince back
The Prince is a germaphobe and hates kissing. Snow White never wakes up
Sneezy helps Aragorn defeat Sauron
The Queen gets some well-needed councelling, and is now ok that she's not the fairest of them all
Snow White shuns all fruit afterwards, fearing poison. She contracts scurvy