|Changing for your Mate
||[Apr. 21st, 2005|05:44 pm]
The Question Club
I've had a question that came from a lot of discussions and situations I've been in recently.|
Let's say that you are currently in a monogamous relationship with a great person.
This person is lovely and attractive and etc. There's a good chance that you and this person could last long term, perhaps even marry. You make each other pretty happy, have similiar ideals, etc. You aren't *perfect* for each other, but your differences aren't major problems, and there's a good chance they won't be in the future, and even so, you both are good at discussing problems and finding solutions.
Except this one thing which you or your partner firmly objects to (for personal reasons, moral reasons, legal reasons, whatever).
This one thing makes you or your partner very unhappy, but you two care about each other so much and you two work so well together that neither of you want to end the relationship over this issue.
Now for arguement purposes, this one thing isn't your career, religion, or some major aspect of your life that you cannot live without. It could be, for example: porn, alcohol, drugs, smoking, using blasphemy, etc.
Let's also assume that both of you/your partner isn't pyscho and wouldn't let the control go to their head (I.e., "Well if I can't do that, next you'll say I can't do this and this and this!).
1. Is it reasonable to ask the person to change this one thing?
2. Is it reasonable to ask the other person to try to accept something that makes them incredibly unhappy, uncomfortable, or upset?
(Yes, you should accept your partner for who he/she is, but this isn't something that defines your partner as a person. This is a thing or object which they could live without.)
3. Would you personally be willing to ask your partner to change one thing that made you very unhappy if the relationship was wonderful outside of this issue?
4. Would you personally be willing to change one thing for your partner?
5. If your answer to #1 and #2 is no, what do you think is the solution for such a problem?