||[Mar. 21st, 2005|08:16 pm]
The Question Club
I was really thinking a lot today. Truth is, I am afraid to live. I always tell everyone that I dont have many fears, but its a lie. Im afraid of almost everything, and that is going to be the downfall of my life.|
I am afraid of throwing up. I am afraid of shots. I am afraid of the eye doctor. I am afraid to have sex. I am afraid to (someday) have a child. I am afraid of heartbreak.
I could say prolly 300 more things that I am afraid of, but, it makes it so much easier to say that I am afraid of life. Its pathetic, and I know it. I am too afraid to change it, though... Does anyone find this is them?
Also, do you ever think about you being a well-rounded person? Is that something you crave? My teacher said to us today that "some of the questions on the test are sports, just to see how well-rounded we are." Okay, I found that really unfair. I like to play sports, yes, but watching them is another story. I would LOVE to be thought of as a well-rounded person, I crave for it because I see it as such a good thing, but am I really going to sit through something that bores me and something I dont want to do to achieve that title? Would you? Honestly.
And last, am I the only one who thinks about what people think of them, and cares so much its sick? I dont want to conform, but I want to be liked. I wonder SO MUCH about what people are thinking of me, its gross. I always tell everyone else "dont worry about what anyone else is saying, all that matters is you." I try as hard as I can to believe it, but truth is, I care. I am NOT looking to be perfect in the eyes of anyone else. If you hear me complain about being fat, its because I am not happy with me, not because some ass hole guy/girl who think they are hot shit told me that I am. I do care what people think of me, and that keeps me from being myself sometimes. I think thats what bothers me the most of any of this...
X posted- To my journal and to thequestionclub