|Engaged and Insecure
||[Feb. 8th, 2005|03:01 pm]
The Question Club
Hi...I have a serious problem I'm hoping you can help me out with.
My fiance (who is 27) and I (who is 28) are having some issues. We are living apart right now because I am finishing college. I live in New York, he lives in California (difficult issue in itself). I will be moving to California come July (when I graduate). Our wedding is in September (in NY).
My problem is this - I've grown insecure. Why? I think it stems from comments he makes to women. He also has a livejournal and I have read comments he makes to women on his list. For instance, this one girl posted a picture of her back all sunburn and my fiance commented asking "want me to rub some lotion on you" and another instance is when this girl posted a picture (stomach to the tip of her toes) of a tattoo she got on her pelvis (no nudity) and he commented "lower, lower!". That is just the tip of the iceburg. I get upset when he talks about girls from school. I get upset when he constantly discusses womens looks. For instance, he will say "sooo, this girl jessica in my class - she's pretty cute but messed up - is going to give me some homework" or whatever it maybe be. He always DESCRIBES what the girl looks like.
He says I don't trust him. I do...but I think it's a combination of the distance getting to me, me listening to him talk or comment on other women and just overall disrespect. It's a huge issue and I almost feel like it's going to ruin our relationship - even marriage.
I know I have stuff to work on with myself, but this is triggering a depression in me. I don't think he understands. We got into it last night again - and I told him to just do what he pleases. I do trust him, but when I read all those comments, I think it's out of line for someone about to get married to talk to females in that manners (basically flirting). What do you guys think?
I am pondering getting some counseling but he's not very receptive to it. He thinks we can work through this and be fine.
I have a ton of stress on me right now - working full time, going to school, planning a move 3,000 miles away and a wedding. Helllooo, the last thing I want to worry about it THIS.
Any help/suggestions/advice would be very helpful.