||[Nov. 25th, 2004|10:01 am]
The Question Club
Okay so it all started with a girl who's a bit of a flirt, no I take that back, she's kind of a big flirt. So anyway it started with this girl, and me kind of liking her and the attention she showed me. We'd talk online from time to time and seem to have things in common. Funny thing is pretty much all the stuff I don't like about myself, she shares with me. Same struggles, same dealings with oppositesex (almost). So one day we are talking and I'm in a weird mood, so I ask her hypotheticly What she would say If I were to ask her out on a date. She said she'd say yes. This shocked me. So I kept going with it, but decided it was wrong since I kinda still had my eye on someone else. However that person had went back to being weird`around me. So me and` the flirt girl were talking and I offered to take her to the Fall Play at school despite having seen it twice already.
I didn't think of it as being a date but she was kinda acting that way, It was kind of obvious from the phone call I made to see if she was ready. So I did what anyone else would of done, I bought some gum. Then I proceeded to her dorm and we walked over. Inside the play she began to rub my arm and play with my hand. I played back cause I was kinda like, "what else do I do?" I had my arm around her and through out the play we more or less became cuddle buddies. So we leave the play arm in arm and head to go get some food but then Patrick called me and I decided to hang with him, Sarah and Melissa. So I kind of bogusly leave the girl to go get food with her best friend. Who just happened to be at the place where we stopped sitting alone. I insisted she go with her and that I'd call her later that night.
So she did, I called and appologized for leaving but she didn't care. We started talking at 2am and finshed at 6:00am.. The conversation started normal, but then it moved into hyper flirty after 3am.. I was at one of my most cockiest points cause I didn't really think anything would happen.. cause it's me... but it kinda worked and by 6:00am I was walking into the upperclassmen girls dorm.
We started by talking, but in short order started making out. She made the first move cause I wasn't sure if she took me seriously earlier, I sure didn't. I gave her an invisible hickie cause the ones that leave marks are for idiots. This all lasted until 7:30am. We left, we talked a bit the next day.. and she asks me how I feel about everything. I tell her I'm cool and we need to keep hanging out to get to know each other better to see if we want to date. She agrees. Everything is cool except her parents are kinda racist.
So she tells her mom and it's not good. I'm half thinking to myself "a way out" but then I start to wonder.. She's not a bad girl. I could date her. But I dunno about marriage material cause we made out so fast...So I'm thinking maybe I don't want a way out. So the next night we chill again, and the previous encounter is repeated on not so early in the morning. I leave confused cause now I'm not sure what I want. I think about how much I like/liked the last girl in my life and I wonder if this would hurt my chances with her. Then I wonder if i should even care, if i should just let God call that one for me cause I don't know what could happen with that and just enjoy this thing I have now thats direct and honest without the games or fear of emotions.
Apparently she's going to talk with her family this weekend and that will decide things for her, but what about me? I'm not sure if I want to even get into anything that will most likely turn serious. I like this girl but not I liked the other girl but maybe this is why i need to get to know her like I said earlier. I already started this wrong, I don't want to finsih it that way.