August 15th, 2004

photoboothnew

(no subject)

Can someone explain to me how to tune my guitar in Drop D, other than saying DADGBE? Because I don't know how to make the low E into D. Now I sound dumb.
  • Current Music
    asleep - the smiths
Hugh's So Masculine

(no subject)

The grant I got bought my school books. So, at the end of the year, are they mine to do with as I please? Or are they going to want them back since I didn't *really* pay for them.

It seems like they're mine to keep, but that just seems too easy that I can sell my small fortune in books that somebody else paid for.
  • Current Mood
    curious curious
random//my dumb face

Movie badguys

For those of you who have seen the Hellboy movie:


Kroenen vs. The Joker


Who would win? We're talking movie-verse here, not comic-verse. And this is all because a guy I work with said Kroenen was the cheesiest badguy he's ever seen (he watched the first ten minutes of the movie) and The Joker was the best.


Collapse )
  • Current Mood
    dorky dorky
Hula Stitch

The meaning of love...??

??Is it wrong and unreasonable for me to say whenever someone says "I love you" to me, "Define love for me."??

Because I know love means many things to many people, and most of it has nothing to do with what I consider love - which is selfless and pure and not greedy and is not conditional on behavior.

The question is, do you think it's unreasonable for me to get upset when someone says "I love you" when I know what they really mean is "I need you" or "I want something from you," or because I know their version of love is distorted and corrupted, and I don't want their version of love? Do I have the right to say, "You don't love me," because you don't even KNOW me?!

I'm not even just talking romantic relationship, it's like when a female friend says to me, "I love you," before we hang up on a conversation (not romantic friend), I think to myself, but you don't even know what love is... I saw the way you raised your daughter, and I see the limitations of your ability to love. But she really means it, as far as she is capable of feeling it. To her I say, I love you back.

But my ex-husband, says, "I love you, Kerry," and I know he is really just saying, Please don't abandon me because I'm a child and you're my mother and I'm afraid I'm going to be abandoned all over again.

A friend says, "I love you," but I really know that they only love a CONCEPT of me they have in their head, based upon certain expectations being met, and if those expections aren't met, expectations that I NEVER promised to fulfill, then that love dissipates in a moment, like a sand castle does when it dries out and gets washed out to sea.

And when my mother says, "I love you." I know on some levels she really does, but my brother committed suicide 4 years ago, and she was so abusive and controlling growing up, I have a hard time accepting "I love you" from her, when I remember the beatings and verbal abuse, and I sometimes feel the words I love you are a manipulation or an attempt to control the uncontrollable. Although I can forgive her, I cannot allow myself to trust in the love she proclaims to feel.

Am I confusing things and making them too complicated? Is this too heavy and personal of a subject for LJ? I don't really expect any answers, it's just that I'm looking at my mortality and I want love to be something purer and nobler than I have experienced so far in life, and I don't want it defiled by need and greed and narcissism.

I just turned 42, and I've passed the half-way mark of my life, I'm sick, and it suddenly seems more important to make love something sacred rather than an offhand greeting or parting, or a fuzzy moment feeling (although those are quite nice in their own right).

When my doggy Duchess licks my face and cuddles up with me, I believe she loves me.

Heh.
  • Current Music
    Kansas - Dust in the Wind

(no subject)

Do you know of a good site that lists all the gory details of the effects of smoking, or maybe some pictures of diseased lungs or something? I'm trying to quit and I need some motivation.
Writing

Annoying me

Last night I got a lift home from one of my co-workers. She was playing a CD she made in her car and the first song was a Chemical Brothers song which I really liked. However I didn't ask her which song it was.

I think it's quite a popular CB song but it's not Hey Girl Hey Boy. The song begins with a lot of 'beeps' and I don't believe there's anyone vocals on it. Can anyone help me figure out what it is?

Edit: It's quite a techno song and fast paced. Not like Where do I begin.
  • Current Mood
    tired tired