Wily as a coyote (fourcorners) wrote in thequestionclub,
Wily as a coyote
fourcorners
thequestionclub

Poll #958001 The going to hell in a handbasket poll

What would you do with a life-size chocolate Jesus?

Bite his head off like an Easter confection
1(1.5%)
Bite off his other head and make our savior a eunich on his big day (but...but..abstinance is so 'in' right now with christians)
3(4.5%)
Use Jesus to kill 18 diabetics by forcefeeding them candy body parts
1(1.5%)
Make the perfect candy union by merging Jesus with your peanut butter Buddha
6(9.0%)
Photograph Jesus doing things with your RealSex doll
3(4.5%)
Make chocolate Jesus your RealSex doll (you automatically descend to the 9th level of Hell without passing GO)
2(3.0%)
Lord it over all the Jewish kids and their carob Abraham and Moses candies
2(3.0%)
Melt him down into a Gold-wrapped chocolate calf
5(7.5%)
Using little cardboard buildings, have Jesus destroy Tokyo and battle Godzilla
5(7.5%)
Use the carpool lane
7(10.4%)
Melt him a little and remake the Shroud of Turin and sell it to the Vatican
1(1.5%)
Find a humungous graham cracker and the ginormous marshmellow and make the world's holiest s'more
13(19.4%)
Probably just eat him
7(10.4%)
Trade him on ebay for a life-size dark chocolate Virgin Mary
5(7.5%)
None of the above. It's either too blasphemous for words or I just don't like chocolate
6(9.0%)

Which confectionary deity would you be most comfortable melting on a fondue plate?

Jesus
4(6.0%)
Buddha
1(1.5%)
Allah
2(3.0%)
King David
1(1.5%)
L. Ron Hubbard
28(41.8%)
Xerces
0(0.0%)
Hercules
4(6.0%)
Aphrodite
9(13.4%)
Odin
1(1.5%)
Osiris
2(3.0%)
Jimmy Hendrix (guitar god)
8(11.9%)
Sauron
7(10.4%)

Lastly, say the monkey owner in this story was your son. How would you treat him after this?

I'd forgive and forget. We can't help who or what we're attracted to
0(0.0%)
I disown him for bringing monkey-lusting shame to our good family name
8(13.3%)
I'd probably send him singing monkeygrams, and a box containing King Kong and lube and tissues. I'd have so much fun at his expense than he'd end up disowning me
11(18.3%)
Encourage him to become a furry. "Son, I know furries are creepy, but it's a little less creepy than what you're like now"
15(25.0%)
Demand to know if your son had intentions of marrying that monkey, because no child of mine will be engaging in interspecies premarital relations
3(5.0%)
I'd just kill him. Seriously
8(13.3%)
My son's in need! They took away his fuzzy boyfriend. I'll have to help him find a new simian lover, to fill those lonely, sexually confused nights
3(5.0%)
Introduce him to sheep. Buggering sheep's far less high profile than monkey-diddling. A thousand Scotsman can't be wrong
6(10.0%)
Other
6(10.0%)
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