little cauliflower (xmorningxrosex) wrote in thequestionclub,
little cauliflower

oh noes relationship questions!

So, pretend there's this hypothetical person.  We'll call her Mary They're somewhat insecure in relationships, and kinda hesitant to fully trust someone, but it seems that there are good reasons for her to be that way.

Mary has been dating someone, we'll call them Doug. It's been 5 months. Doug says they love Mary; Mary says they're not at that point, because she doesn't feel fully trusting yet and all that that signals love, and doesn't feel enough of a part of Doug's life to feel things are fully reciprocal/love. Doug knows Mary is insecure and a worrier. Both say they miss each other. Doug knows Mary feels alienated and ignored when they don't talk for long periods of time. Mary feels pushed to the back burner at times. But other times, Doug says all the right things and is reassuring.

Doug and Mary go on a surprise dinner and a movie date on a Thursday night. Doug stays the night, and then hangs out at Mary's place Friday until an appointment. Mary calls Doug at 4pm Fri. to possibly get a ride home, and Doug says they're on the way to (a town an hour away) to pick someone up from the airport, "it's a long story" and can't talk.

Mary has not heard from Doug since, and it's now late Tuesday. Mary thinks that since Doug said he'd call later, Mary won't call Doug until that happens because sometimes Mary is stubborn and wants to test how long it really would take, even if that means Mary is playing games, and because Mary feels she puts more effort into the relationship as it is. Mary doesn't like waiting by the phone, you see. Mary is getting pretty ticked that Doug hasn't called at all and no explanation for being gone suddenly Fri-Sat when Mary had their hopes up they'd get more time together.

Is Mary's frustration/pissiness/hurtness justifiable? How does Mary confront the problem if Doug doesn't call? Should Mary give in and call and say wtf is up, mate? At what point does "I'm not getting my needs met currently" translate to "there's no hope for this and it isn't worth it?" Should Mary give up on relationships altogether and join a hypothetical convent?

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