sophiedoph (sophiedoph) wrote in thequestionclub,

Second Marriages

My mom has been divorced for a few years. My husband and I are having a bit of a debate re: remarriage. He says that it's often not a good idea for women "her age" (49+) to remarry because the available guys are usually schmucks and she's in a vulnerable situation. He also added that second marriages are usually as bad or worse than first ones.

I think that it's a good idea for her to be open to meeting the right person (and actively looking around). She's 49, she loves going out, she wants companionship... and she's learned from past mistakes. My dad is remarried and very happy--he appears to have learned from his mistakes, and when my mom talks about meeting a guy, she sounds like she's got her head on straight too.

So, from your experience or observations, are second marriages usually better, worse, or the same as first ones? Do people learn from their mistakes? Or do they just keep repeating them?

For the record, my parents are pretty cool people--just complete, COMPLETE opposites, and made each other miserable.

Edit to add... more questions!
1. What lessons did you learn this year? 
2. In what ways have you changed over the past year?
3. What is something you're proud of from the past year?
4. What is a mistake you made and grew/learned from?

My answers:
1. Being busy makes me happier. When there's nothing to do I think too much.
2. I've become more confident and assertive. For the two years I thought I made a mistake in going to law school. This year I did some internships/clinical work and realized I'm going to be a great lawyer. That made me feel much more confident and assertive...
3. The fact that my parrot (a cockatoo--a species who traditionally plucks and/or screams and/or has major issues) is doing so well--it takes a lot of work, but so far she's very well adjusted. The 70 pages of papers I wrote last semester--all great papers. My work on a class action on behalf of poor immigrants. 
4. Trusting someone who turned out to be a wacko... I will be much more cautious about people in the future.
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