T (jessicalois) wrote in thequestionclub,

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Ok, let me start by saying that I KNOW that this varies a lot from person to person, but I just want to get some outside opinions because I have NEVER gone through anything like this before...

That being said, let's say you were in a seven and a half year relationship and your boyfriend decided that he didn't want to be in a relationship anymore, but still loved you and still wanted to be friends (not with "benefits," for the record). You would love to be able to be friends since he has been your best friend for nearly 8 years, but you just can't do that right now because you are too hurt and seeing him will make you relapse into the sadness and despair of losing him.

For the record, the reasons that he doesn't want to be in a relationship are complex, but basically amount to the fact that he has a lot of changes going on in his life and doesn't feel like he's paying enough attention to the relationship as a result. He also feels like being with one person all our lives is robbing us of certain experiences. There's other stuff, but those are the big things as far as I can tell.

1) How long do you give yourself before hanging out with him as a friend again?
The problem is that I still love him, so I'm thinking that I should wait until I've stopped loving him? I don't know if that will ever happen though, or if that's a reasonable cutoff.

2) How long do you wait before seeing other people?
I have no idea what the generally accepted length of time is for this or what cutoff will prevent me from jumping into anything too soon. I've never been through anything like this, as this guy was my high school sweetheart; I've never dated or broken up with anyone else...

Thanks for the help!
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