Why did my true love give me 7 swans, 6 geese, 4 calling birds, 3 French hens, 2 turtledoves and a partidge in a pear tree?
She works in a pet store
Sick, uncontrollable avian fetish
Because I ran out of skeet
Apparently she didn't know what to get for the guy who has 'everything'
Why did my true love give me 8 milking maids?
I am calcium deficient
They're farmers' daughters and she's the best true love ever!
The maids will bring their cows with me and swamp my living room with cow patties. My true love obviously hates me
The other 12 are on layaway
Home Depot ran out of strippers stripping and she hoped I wouldn't notice the difference
Why did my true love give me 9 ladies dancing and 10 lords-a-leaping?
House party. Duh
I'm obviously meant to be the 10th lady in her twisted homoerotic fantasy
She didn't buy it. She just regifted it for me
It's one orgy, ready to serve. Just add tequila
My true love might not be all right in the head
Why did my true love give me 11 pipers piping and 12 drummers drumming?
Because high school marching bands piss me off and she hates me
That's the 10th row at a Dave Matthews concert. She scored me tickets!
To pay my neighbors back for that loud party last weekend
To harvest their organs and sell them on the black market
To drive away the dancing ladies and leaping lords, who are eating all my food and getting lube all over the couch
And why did my true love give me 5 golden rings?
I'm pimp like that
She's agreed to sign my mormon pre-nup and be my fifth wife
My share of the spoils after we buried the pipers and drummers in shallow graves in the back
Because she has the one true ring to rule them all!
More importantly, where's the other 6 I asked her to hold onto?