Rick (megamanfre) wrote in thequestionclub,
Rick
megamanfre
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Relationship Advice

Ive been friends with my ex for about 4 years. We only dated for a short time, more like a fling actually, and had never really gotten serious. After our fling, we both moved on and started dating other people, but still kept in touch. We are both brutally honest with one another, and have hidden nothing. There has always been a tension between us. Always something that went unsaid. It wasnt a sexual tension either, when we dated, she was a virgin, and we hadnt actually gone very far. In the interrum of our friendship, we both had rather long term relationships. I started dating a girl shortly after, and we were together for 2.5 years, she started dating a guy, and was with him for about 2 years. We had discussed our feelings for each other, rather I had expressed mine, that I cared about her a great deal more than friends, 6 months after my ex and I had broken up. At the time, she was pretty much off with her boyfriend. Things had gotten rocky for them, and very complicated.

They ended up breaking up with one another, and I had told her how I felt. She had said that it was obvious we both cared for each other, more than just friends. But that she had wanted to stay friends, because we had gotten close, and she was still on the rebound. This was back in May. Since then, weve gotten closer, and actually are now talking about starting a relationship with one another. We both know that there is something there, and that its pretty strong. Almost like we needed time apart just to prove that it wasnt just lust, and that it was something a bit more. I had flat out told her that I know we will date, and I firmly believe we will. Ive been very patient, and will continue to be patient.

There is, however, one problem. She still sees her ex on occassion. Her ex ha a girlfriend, and she knows it, but they are still sleeping with one another. She actually hates him for it, but she cant resist sleeping with him still. He is her first, and feels he is the only one she can sleep with. She has very strong religious beliefs, especially that of keeping virgin until marriage. She admitted that she was more or less guilted into sleeping with him, and that is partly why she hates him as a person, and knows she would never date him, because he lacks moral standing of any real kind. He is, after all, cheating on his girlfriend, with her.

We talk every night on the phone, and its been a topic of conversation before. We go out every weekend, and each weekend it takes a step in a more serious direction. Its slow, but I do not want to rush things too fast. I want to try and make this work as best as possible. This past Saturday we had gone to Manhatten to visit a science exhibit, and on the train ride in, I had asked her out right, what it would take for her to stop seeing her ex, and to start seeing me. She had looked at me and laughed a bit. She then said that she had been wondering when I would bring it up, and that she has been thinking about it a lot as well. She doesnt know how what to do, but she does want to be with me, and that her ex is a problem, that she doesnt know how to stop.

Now that Ive given some background, my question is, what can I do to help this along. Ive been racking my brain, and besides giving an alternative, which may actually backfire, I cant think of anything. I dont want to give her an alternative, because even if she chose me over her ex, I dont want her to one day hate me for it, and I wouldnt feel right forcing that decision on her. What can I suggest to her to maybe help things along, and to maybe make things easier for her, as well as for me. Im normally not very patient, and Ive been very patient with her, which she had pointed out. I know shes worth it. I just dontk now what to do, or how to go about doing it.

Any suggestions?
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