anyone else here have a mother die in childhood? do you feel like there's a huge gaping hole inside you that you desperately want to fill but realize that you probably never will? do you feel like you need affection from anyone/anything/anytime/anywhere? after mine died i didn't let anyone touch me and i'm so angry at myself b/c i feel that lack so strongly now and i wonder whether it would be craved so much if i had just allowed myself to be loved. sometimes i think the main reason i want a girlfriend is so that i'll have a steady supply of affection rather than sex. or maybe i'm just a big pussy and using this as an explanation (<- not trying to salvage my manhood- this is something i genuinely wonder).
did you grieve right away or did you bury it and refuse to think of it? in 14 yrs i spoke of it maybe once, and i guess i'm only now beginning the grieving process, though i'm beginning to realize that there will never be closure. i'm just starting to talk about it now and it's actually helpful, so i guess that's a start.