Sara (blessedrelease) wrote in thequestionclub,

My husband works full time. He basically gets 6 weeks holiday/vacation that he takes all in one go at the end of every year. His travels are very important to him and I've known that from the start of our relationship.

We've agreed that we will alternate between my parents and his for Christmas. (In actuality, we've spent the last 3 years with his family, though I don't hold this against him.)

His idea of "vacation" is trekking, adventure, lots of travel. Two years ago we went to China, India, Nepal,and Tibet. Last year we had just had a baby, so we just stayed at my parents house in the US (we live in the UK) for 3 weeks. This year we went to Morocco (with a one year old) and traveled around, including a camel ride into the desert.

My idea of vacation is...relaxing. As in, not doing anything. Sitting by a pool, watching tv, sitting by a fire...staying in one place. Maybe go to Disneyland. But definitely nothing new. I find new things very stressful, almost to the point of not enjoying myself. I usually do enjoy the adventure trips, but they are very overwhelming and I need a long time to recover from them. This past October I went to visit my family for three weeks without my husband.

I don't work at the moment as I stay at home with our 1 year old.

Finally, and the biggest thing for me, I miss my family and they miss my daughter. We talk all the time on Skype and FaceTime but I never imagined raising my kid(s) thousands of miles away from my entire family. I find this very difficult and upsetting, but this comes in waves of degree.

How unreasonable would I be if I request that on the years we visit my family, that is ALL we do?

We are to visit them this Christmas, but my husband also wants to do a massive road trip and see New York. This is what we used to do, pre-marriage and pre-baby. But I now feel like I'm not getting enough time with my family when this happens. He says they can just come with us, but most of my family can't afford it and don't get nearly that much time off from work.

Basically, I want to spend my husband's vacation time every other year visiting my family in the US. He wants to spend every year doing a big travel, which he has always done. How unreasonable am I being?

How would you approach this with your partner?
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