Mr. O (conflabit) wrote in thequestionclub,
Mr. O

So, let's say you wake up one day with your head inside something that you think might be the cleanest toilet you've seen since the day your parents divorced and you had to spend the day cleaning the bathroom while the two of them took turns exchanging a combination of rage sex and paperwork. Upon closer inspection, however, you become immediately aware that you are actually inside of some kind of head-scanny-thingy and there are a number of voices whispering to you in a combination of sounds that you do not recognize. You try to make out something of a word you might know, but you're just left hearing things like "C'thit alei ynm" and you aren't even sure how to begin to actually spell those.

After a while, a door behind you opens and a person inside a yellow biohazard-esque suit grabs you by your hair (if you don't have hair, just pretend you do, or that they magically grabbed phantom hair) and lifts you out of the device, yelling at you as you are taken into another room. The other room is dark, and smells faintly like s'mores and bananas. Inside the room, the man with the biohazard suits takes off his mask to reveal that he is an alien, and after much study has decided that he wants you to be his herald for his upcoming destruction of the planet Earth. You will live forever, and you will serve in this function for all time, for each planet. You will warn them of their destruction, of their death, and you will watch as the planets all die.

Do you:

1- Accept your job as The Silver Surfer, knowing that everyone you love will die horrendously and you'll be completely alone for all time except for being the creepy lover of a guy with a latex fetish?
2- Wonder why you got abducted by aliens, since you don't live in the rural Midwest United States?
3- Decline, because you're the protagonist of this game and you don't get the cool jobs?
4- Have a pokemon battle?
5- Go back to bed because clearly you're still high?
6- Change the channel because you already saw this episode?
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