Zoe Fox (muffn_enchntrss) wrote in thequestionclub,
Zoe Fox

Dear TQC, 

-It's with an organization I respect and admire, so the networking is good. 
-This is my first full-time job ever, fresh out of college. Everything else has been part time jobs or internships so it looks good on my resume 
-I moved all the way out here for this so it would be shitty to move somewhere else, and I'm not sure where I'd go
-See above, it's only for a year 
-It's techincally volunteer service (I get paid very little) so a little voice in my head telling me it's the right thing to do 
-There are times (maybe a couple times a month) when I have good days and I like it
-It's in a beautiful place
-I have hung out with a few people here/gotten into yoga, so things are looking up with my social life, although still really shitty comparitively 
-This is the slow season since it's winter, so I have hope that late spring/summer will pick up, and I want to see the changes that occur over the year here 

Why I often think about quitting 
-I am miles and miles away from anyone I love (across the country from my family, across an ocean from my most recent relationship, and my friends are scattered all over)
-I spend days literally doing nothing, like today for example. I think what my job does (collaborating and developing internships and trying to get the local community interested in seeking careers in natural resources) is valuable, but it should only  be a part time job.  However, I have to work 40 hours a week, 8 hours days for hardly any pay. Money isn't a huge issue; I knew it would be this much coming in, and I was okay with that. However, because of the rules of my organization, I am unable to seek part-time work on the outside. If I did and my supervisor or the organization found out, I'd be fired. 
-I think I'm fairly creative and intilligent, and people are impressed that I've already come up with a new program idea. I've been here about 6 weeks, and I've spent most of my day on this website, tumblr, facebook, searching for other jobs, and checking e-mails. Somedays i read; somedays I write creatively. I have anxiety issues, so sitting at a desk all day twiddling my thumbs makes me really anxious. Today, for example, I had to take a walk outside because I felt like I couldn't breathe from sitting inside for so long, and I started freaking out over irrational things. I am actually very calm when doing things that many people would consider stressful, like adrenaline sports, traveling by myself in foreign countries, etc. I'm not trying to say I'm badass, but i've noticed that I suffer from extreme anxiety when sitting at a desk job, whereas I find a lot of inner peace when I'm stimulated and outside of my comfort zone. 

Anyway, I wanted to state this to see if anyone is holding up red flags and wants to say, "NO! DON'T DO IT! QUIT NOW!" 
or..if any of you are in boring, mundane jobs, what do you do to pass the time? 
I've talked to my supervisor and basically she just apologized and said it'll pick up. I took her advice and was proactive last week and added a bunch of things to do, but it's getting hard to fill my 8 hours days up with things when I work mainly with people, and I just have to wait until meetings/events happen. 

I'm 23 years old and am stressed that I am going to spend my whole year in isolation/anxiety unless I change something. 

Any advice
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