bruised_walrus (bruised_walrus) wrote in thequestionclub,

Background Story #1

I have this thing where I can't stay mad at someone for very long (like I'm talking minutes) because I always end up feeling guilty (even if it wasn't my fault), so I just let it go and then it happens again and again and the problem never gets resolved.

Now, this is especially true with my boyfriend. I'm extremely laid back and it takes A LOT for me to get angry. He's the same way and we already know eachother well enough to know what is and what isn't acceptable in our relationship. Of course, no relationship is perfect and sometimes we slip (if I had to give you an estimate of the number of times we fight I'd say maybe once every 4-5 months). However, when we DO slip it's HORRIBLE! There's yelling and cursing and crying and it's never over anything stupid, one of us had to have screwed up pretty bad for us to actually fight that way.

When we DO fight it lasts a day and it never comes up again until the next time we fight. This probably doesn't sound so bad, but it is because we never resolve anything. Once we calm down we TRY to talk about it (which he really does try) but I end up feeling soo guilty (again, even if it wasn't my fault) that I just give in and say I was wrong and then everything goes back to normal.

Basically, I HATE BEING MAD, and it makes me feel weak that I can't stand up for myself or be mad for a long period of time without feeling guilty.

Background Story #2

My bf, Manny, has a cousin named Stevie. Stevie left for college 6 hours away last year. Now, don't get me wrong, I like Stevie, he's a cool kid and he's fun to hang around with, but when him and Manny are together without me BAD THINGS HAPPEN. They don't care about ANYTHING, they have no regard for the law or other people around them, they are a walking disaster waiting to happen.

Usually, they just smoke pot and run around town being morons. Although this does worry me at times, it does not bother me. What DOES bother me is that since Stevie has been away at college he has gotten into some things that, well, I'm not too sure about, like dropping acid. Yeah, I smoke pot sometimes and have even dabbled with some perscription drugs and cough syrup (actually I recently had to quit because of a job I'm going to get, no biggie, though) but I think doing anything beyond that is completely stupid (meth, crack/cocain, heroin, shrooms, ACID). I thought Manny and I both shared this sentiment, but I guess I was wrong because he told me straight up that when Stevie comes home for the summer (May 15th), he's bringing acid with him and "whatever happens happens".

I told him that I was not comfortable with him doing it and I was not happy about it at all. He SEEMED concerned with my feelings, but I know that he's going to do it anyway because when the time comes and we DO fight about it he already knows what is going to happen (refer to background story 1), which is what REALLY makes me angry. In other words, it's the principle not so much the dropping acid part.

Finally on to my question....

I CANNOT keep going on like this. I need to know how to stand up for myself and not be afraid to be angry without feeling guilty. I mean, half the time I don't even know WHY I feel guilty, I just do. This whole acid situation WILL arise and when it does I want him to know that I'm serious about this and I really just need suggestions on how to NOT feel guilty, how to NOT be afraid to be mad, and how to NOT feel so weak.

Help, please?
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