appleshampogal (appleshampogal) wrote in thequestionclub,

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I have a friend I hadn't spoken to in months. We used to be very close, confidantes. This guy friend of hers was introduced to me through her back in February, and he seemed like a very nice cool guy, he was cute, but at the time I had a boyfriend of my own. I heard through the grapevine in response to my girlfriend that it didn't matter if I had a boyfriend or not, it may not last, and if it doesn't he'll be there. I was both flattered and repelled by this comment, mostly the latter because I loved my boyfriend very much. But low and behold we did end up splitting up. It was a very depressing time in my life, so we went out and spent time together. We had become intimate rather quickly and he had become very attached to me. But something weird was happening, my girlfriend, everytime the guy couldn't reach me, would call me to ask if I had talked to him yet, almost like she was keeping tabs on me for him. I felt pretty bizarre about this. It's not like I would ignore his calls for days or anything, but sometimes I would get sidetracked with something. 

I remember at one point he had asked me about doing something the next week on Tuesday. I believe he sent this message on Sunday... anyways, I had become busy and didn't check my messages until later when I see that he sent me another message asking if we were "okay" because he hadn't heard from me in a few days. He then asked me what our relationship was and I just told him I was enjoying where we were and that I wasn't looking to commit right away, and that erasing an entire year of history with my ex was something I couldn't do yet. He didn't take it well, at all, and even though he said he would be there as a friend he unfriended me and we haven't spoken since. My girlfriend also stopped talking to me, over the months I would occasionally phone-in to see how she was doing, but there some nagging intuitive thought that suggested to me that things between her and I weren't okay. She would never initiate any contact with me, it was always the other way around.

I finally confronted her about it last week, not in harsh way, I simply told her that I just knew something was up and if there was anything she needed to tell me. She then revealed that after her friend and me stopped going out, she felt guilty and responsible and she distanced herself from the both of us in response. I didn't reveal my emotions over the phone, but I felt almost betrayed, all this time and she couldn't at least tell me that? What the hell? Since then we've talked a few more times, I've called her, so nothing seems to have changed although she did agree to get coffee with me sometime this week last week when we talked. Should I maybe let her go depending on whether or not we actually hang out? I am actually pretty upset she distanced herself from me over this, she was there when I was crying over the phone towards the end of my relationship with my ex. She was the one who suggested that I go out with her friend, and he seemed nice enough, so I did. I just wasn't ready to be official I wasn't even terminating the relationship with him, but he was ready to write me off just because I didn't want things at that level yet.

Am I crazy? Out in left field about this? Should I feel upset with her?
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