Dear Mrs. Kerplowski, Please excuse Susan from class today. She came down with a case of ______
Severe nicotine withdrawl fits
The summertime blues
We think that Susan may have caught this ______.
On the school bus
In your unhygenic classroom
Off the internet
By being cursed by a gypsy
From masturbation (in our household, we don't deter the young'uns with talk of hairy palms and blindness)
She's aware there's a quiz on Friday, but did not bring home her schoolbook. Can you ask ______?
Fiona to bring it over after school?
Yourself what kind of joybuzz quizzes students on a Friday?
That kid with the lazy eye to stop looking at her? It gives Susan the creeps
Ramon the janitor if he's got any more of that good weed for sale?
The other teachers where my lap goes when I stand up? That question's been bothering me my whole adult life
Susan may be out a couple days from this ailment. I promise to give you my doctor's ______
Note excusing her absence
Xanax prescription if you don't ask any more questions about her absence
Warning about being morbidly obese. We just happened to be talking about you at the time
Bill. Between the two of us, I think we can pay it
Thank you for being so understanding. Susan didn't want to fall behind in your class. She always says you're her favorite teacher because _______. Sincerely, Susan's mother
You listen to her and make Civics quite interesting
She's such a kissass and hopes you give her an A for this lame compliment
You have the nicest rack of all the teachers at her school
You don't monitor her internet usage in class
You're the only person in school with a bigger butt than her. She feels less conscientious about it now that she's met you