This is about me. I am schizophrenic and I suffer from blunted affect- I have no real feelings and no emotions- meaning I'm not depressed, possibly even happy... yet I feel like killing myself, even though I'm not even sad or melancholy. It baffles me, you know? I don't suffer aural hallucinations telling me to do stuff and, to me, killing myself seems the same as making a cup of tea, eating dinner, turning on the heater etc- just something to do.
I just don't know why I want to die, even though I'm quite mellow and my life is good at the moment. Sorry I don't think I'm explaining this too well, I just need someone to help work out my own headspace.