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[Feb. 14th, 2013|08:14 am]
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[sylviamaris]
Is the thought what counts? If I tell you, "I wanted to give/do this for you but I couldn't afford it, but it made me think of you," does it make you feel good? Or does it make you resentful, wondering why I'd even mention it if I weren't going to deliver?
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[User Picture]From: theidolhands
2013-02-14 02:16 pm (UTC)

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Is that what you'd do? Or would you instead come up with another way to express yourself?

Also, is what you are saying true or merely an excuse?

But yes, when I tell someone I love, who understands our limitations -- for example -- that if I had the money, I'd buy them a villa in Italy. They smile.
[User Picture]From: sylviamaris
2013-02-14 02:38 pm (UTC)

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I've done it on various occasions, with equally varied results. It's always genuine. I feel telling them, "I was in a store and I saw this item and wanted to buy it for you, but it's way out of the budget," is the next best thing to showing up with it in hand, and now I have to be more careful when I say things like that because sometimes people are put off or even offended.

Once I showed up from a girl-time-shopping-trip with a shirt for myself, with a GI Joe character on it, and told my husband, "This should be a present for you, but it wasn't in your size, so I bought it for myself so that you could see me in it, and that's still pretty nice, right?" and meant it sincerely. I'm pretty lucky he understands me and said, "Heck yeah, I like looking at you, especially when you're wearing awesome things."
[User Picture]From: so_plush
2013-02-14 02:23 pm (UTC)

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That would make me feel good. It always feels nice to know that people are thinking about me when I'm not around.
[User Picture]From: loyaltylocket
2013-02-14 02:24 pm (UTC)

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nah i would appreciate the thoughtfulness of it. however if they were to say something more along the lines of "i almost bought you this/did this for you because i thought you'd really love it but decided not to" i'd be a little aggravated.
[User Picture]From: woodland
2013-02-14 02:29 pm (UTC)

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my SO does this to me quite a lot actually: 'oh i thought I'd get you this but I didn't.' even just small things, and sometimes doesn't get them just because he couldn't be bothered, so i'd rather not know in the first place. he means well and it's nice to be thought of, but then to know i'm not worth the bother just makes me irritated.
[User Picture]From: theidolhands
2013-02-14 02:31 pm (UTC)

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Exactly, the thought is incomplete, so the gesture also comes off as thus.

As opposed to when I couldn't afford diamonds, but instead got the best silver pair at Tiffany's I could afford and later saved up and got them....diamonds. *it needed be this extravagant, but that's a personal example.

[User Picture]From: ineverycolor
2013-02-14 02:35 pm (UTC)

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I think intention counts. If you said that just to get credit for thinking it up I wouldn't feel good but if you were like oh man I totally tried to do this and tried in every way but it didn't work out I'd be just as grateful. Effort and intentions are the most crucial aspect to me.
[User Picture]From: sarahonlife
2013-02-14 03:05 pm (UTC)

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It basically depends on if it's "so instead I did nothing." or "so instead I did this small thing for you."
[User Picture]From: usnbfs
2013-02-14 03:35 pm (UTC)

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I'd be happy about that. I sometimes take photos of stuff that makes me think of someone. Whether it's flowers in front of a house or an item in a store. Most people I know understand that I can't just buy everything. If anything, I tend to buy too many of those I saw this and it reminded me of you so here it is-things. My most recent purchases of that kind are new (and bright green) kitchen sponges and some tea.
It wouldn't make me feel good if the person didn't get it for no reason as woodland said. But if it's because it was simply too expensive or there was no time to get it then I think it's a nice gesture.
[User Picture]From: saintwithasw0rd
2013-02-14 03:40 pm (UTC)

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It would make me feel good. To think someone out there is thinking of me even when I am not in the same room? Makes me feel quite good.
[User Picture]From: box_of_rocks
2013-02-14 03:43 pm (UTC)

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It just seems pointless to me. My now-husband did this with our engagement - what he did was simple and perfect and free (besides the ring) but when he mentioned that he had *wanted* to take me on a hot air balloon ride, I was a tiny bit disappointed! Cuz that would have been awesome, and knowing that he thought of it but couldn't afford it made me feel a bit sad.
[User Picture]From: phenomenal
2013-02-14 03:45 pm (UTC)

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I actually think that would annoy me if it happened frequently.
The reason is, I don't need people to tell me they were thinking about me. I don't like verbal expressions very much. Show me how you feel. And if you can't afford a big fancy to-do, you can still show someone on the cheap.

Edited at 2013-02-14 03:48 pm (UTC)
[User Picture]From: katydidnt98
2013-02-14 03:52 pm (UTC)

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I'd rather that than receive the gift. Whatever they were going to buy, I probably don't need it, and I'd rather they save their money and resources for something they or someone else needs than waste it on frivolities.
[User Picture]From: koalatycontrol
2013-02-14 04:10 pm (UTC)

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I maybe kind of do this a lot. I send pictures of things to my SO all the time, saying "this is so you." If I bought everything that makes me think of him, we'd live in a box.
[User Picture]From: erroroperator
2013-02-14 06:23 pm (UTC)

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Why mention it? My boyfriend does that all the time and it's really frustrating.

I take "it's the thought that counts" to be more like, "I got you this thing, I wasn't sure if you'd like..." or something like that.
[User Picture]From: ilysespieces
2013-02-15 01:28 am (UTC)

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this, that's how i always understood 'it's the thought that counts'
[User Picture]From: hikerpoet
2013-02-14 06:46 pm (UTC)

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I've done it before and my husband seemed to appreciate it. In this case it wasn't a financial thing but the item had been discontinued. I thought to myself I'd buy something similar someday if I ever saw it, but I wasn't sure that would happen so I showed him and we had a good laugh. Later, I did find the equivalent, and he had pretty much forgotten and loved it! Obviously it depends on the situation, but it can be sweet.
[User Picture]From: due27south
2013-02-14 10:46 pm (UTC)

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I think it is. If you're a person who likes "things" then I suppose this would not work out well at all and they would get resentful. That sounds awful though.
[User Picture]From: empiredownx
2013-02-14 11:13 pm (UTC)

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I would wonder why they even mentioned it to me because it's like getting my hopes up and then letting them down simultaneously. It's like the thought is incomplete. If they did something else instead, though, it probably wouldn't bug me, because it would imply that I was important enough for them to do something, even if it wasn't what they would have liked to do (for example.."I wanted to get you this nice thing but I couldn't afford it, but I did make you a card")
This is probably why I'm single.