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put a hex on your ex [Jan. 25th, 2013|09:07 pm]
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[bipolarbones]
Do you still lurk your ex-partners/flings etc facebook, IG, twitter, etc? Do you still care about them or are you just curious?

I catch myself lurking sometimes. I am just generally so curious, hoping I find something interesting, but I usually don't.

What are some things you would keep/have kept from your parents? Do you/would you lie to them often?

I'm taking the initiative to get on BC and they don't even know I am sexually active. I try my best not to lie to them but I find myself not helping it at times.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: hipslikehell
2013-01-26 02:12 am (UTC)

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I used to a lot more than I do now. I think the reasons are a combination of both caring and curiosity.

The only thing lied about is vehemently denying any drug use I did as a teen. I never had a problem with drugs so I personally don't think it's their business to know about it.
[User Picture]From: verygwen
2013-01-26 02:25 am (UTC)

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I have my ex blocked. He was an abusive asshat and I want no reminders of him.

I don't keep things from my parents, but there are certainly many things I haven't bothered to tell them.

How old are you and do they ask you direct questions about your sex life?
[User Picture]From: bipolarbones
2013-01-26 02:36 am (UTC)

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I am 19, 20 on May 5th. They do not ask me any direct questions about my sex life, my older sister has always been very conservative and to herself, doesn't go out, never has had a boyfriend, etc so I think they kind of expect the same thing from me. They do have a tendency to pry and ask a lot of questions like how long i'll be out, where i'm going, who i'll be with. I feel like I am making a good move by getting on BC but they will obviously have no clue.
[User Picture]From: bipolarbones
2013-01-26 02:37 am (UTC)

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and sorry about the abusive ass hat boo :[ at least you were strong and smart enough to block the jerk.
[User Picture]From: verygwen
2013-01-26 02:38 am (UTC)

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I think you're not actually lying to them then. I don't really think you have to spill your guts to them and share your private information just because they're you're parents.
[User Picture]From: kaelstra
2013-01-26 02:48 am (UTC)

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This. Just because they're your parents doesn't mean you have to explain yourself to them-especially in regards to your sex life, and ESPECIALLY at your age.
[User Picture]From: bipolarbones
2013-01-26 03:54 am (UTC)

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You guys are right. I lose sight of the fact that I am not actually lying to them, but more being on my own and private on things that are personal. I guess it's the somewhat blindness from starting to do things for myself without their help or input or knowledge of it >.>
[User Picture]From: zydrate
2013-01-26 02:27 am (UTC)

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Yeah, I still visit. -.-; Do I care? Kinda...

The only thing I've really kept from my parents is how suicidal I've been. I'm pretty honest with them.
[User Picture]From: oneworldvision
2013-01-26 02:44 am (UTC)

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Your answer to the second question is pretty much the same as mine. I hope things get better for you.
[User Picture]From: zydrate
2013-01-26 02:47 am (UTC)

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Thanks. You too.
[User Picture]From: nynaeve_sedai
2013-01-26 02:55 am (UTC)

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I did this too.

Unfortunately my parents, when they found out about my depression, didn't know what to do and they didn't really grasp how bad it was because I kept everything tucked away as best as I could. In retrospect, as strange as it sounds, I wish I'd been more honest. Maybe I would have gotten the help I needed THEN instead of having a mental breakdown in my late 20s and putting my husband through hell. The recovery took a lot longer than it would have a decade before.

I hope it gets better for you... and I hope you get the help you need.
[User Picture]From: zydrate
2013-01-26 03:11 am (UTC)

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Yeah, I've always been pretty... Tight-lipped about my feelings in general, and even when it did become obvious how badly I was doing, my parents didn't know what to do. What do you really say to your parents? "Hey, I'm worthless and I'd love to off myself one of these days"? I've done the pills, I've tried the therapy... Meh. Sure, my life sucks, but it doesn't compare to how bad some have it, which kinda makes me angry at myself for being this way to begin with. :x

I'm sorry you went through it, but it's good to hear you recovered. And thanks.
[User Picture]From: chaostrophy
2013-01-26 02:36 am (UTC)

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I try not to, it makes me nauseous.
I try not to, but I'm still trying to find a way to tell my dad that my "ex" and I are still seeing each other. We broke up in September for about 10 days under some really rotten circumstances and my dad would be none too pleased if he knew we were together again. My brother has given me a deadline to tell him by or he's going to spill the beans. This is all so ridiculous. I mean, because I'm 29 and at this point my bf and I have been together for almost a year and practically live together when I work by his place which has been a lot lately.
[User Picture]From: angelas_apron
2013-01-26 02:36 am (UTC)

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I have before but mainly out of concern and not now. We moved together a thousand miles away from home and when we broke up I didn't want to have any contact with him but just checked to make sure he was okay since he was depressed, bipolar, and an alcoholic.

I lied about skipping school a lot. When I got caught my mom was mad but she was like "I got caught my first time skipping too." It was like like my 6th or so time but I didn't volunteer that info.

I wouldn't be hurt if my daughter got on birth control without telling me but I would be devastated if she got pregnant as a teen.
[User Picture]From: oneworldvision
2013-01-26 02:43 am (UTC)

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No. I'm friends with one ex, so I read his updates the same as I do with all my friends, but that's it.

I haven't told my parents how often I've thought of suicide lately. I absolutely do not plan to act on those thoughts, and knowing would only hurt them. They know I'm unhappy at work and in a great deal of (physical) pain, but they don't know the extent of it.
[User Picture]From: sblmnldrknss
2013-01-26 02:47 am (UTC)

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There's a couple I've looked up for curiosity's sake. And there's one, I think just one, who's on my friends list. So I see what's going on with him.

I'm almost 30, married with two kids, and there's tons of stuff I keep from my parents. It's my life, why shouldn't I?

And please, do get birth control.
[User Picture]From: sblmnldrknss
2013-01-26 03:30 am (UTC)

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Just looked one up. He got arrested for two felonies in September. And yesterday was apparently his birthday. Good times, huh?
[User Picture]From: bipolarbones
2013-01-26 03:50 am (UTC)

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Oh God. A few weeks after I broke up with my most recent ex I found out HE got arrested with another Ex of mine..... small world @_@

Edited at 2013-01-26 03:51 am (UTC)
[User Picture]From: sblmnldrknss
2013-01-26 04:01 am (UTC)

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That's insane.

This guy was a mess back then. But he was 18. I figured he would.... grow up? Or something? But it looks like he still lives with his dad(he's 33 now) and two felonies? Just dumb. I just wish there'd been a mugshot. Now I'm extra curious.
[User Picture]From: jiffypopp
2013-01-26 05:46 am (UTC)

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That sounds great :P It would be fun to do a 'creep your ex and tell us if you find anything interesting' post. I just did, one is engaged and another had some kids. Nothing super exiting.
[User Picture]From: sblmnldrknss
2013-01-26 10:45 pm (UTC)

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That would be fun! Another one of mine is in medical school. I haven't kept track of any others.
[User Picture]From: nynaeve_sedai
2013-01-26 02:51 am (UTC)

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I don't have a lot of exes. One really and I refused his friend request. We have mutual friends so every now and again I'll take a peek out of curiosity and wonder if he ever got the therapy he needed to stop being an a-hole.

I'm 30 and live in a different state. I don't share my life with them, but at the same time, I'm not much for hiding stuff (of course, I'm boring - married with kids). Saw your previous comment about age - you know, I think it's always really hard for the parents to start to let go. The big change came when I was at college and wanted to take a weekend trip. My parents didn't really want me to and I told them "Look, I didn't call to ask permission, I called to let you know as a courtesy." That started them treating me more like an adult. It might just be the same with you. Unless your parents are the dramatic throw you out type, I say be honest and act like it isn't a big deal. Most parents don't want to think about their kids and sex anyway (it's like thinking about your parents and sex :: shudder :: LOL).
[User Picture]From: bipolarbones
2013-01-26 03:52 am (UTC)

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My closest friend always tells me that I should TELL them what I am doing, not ask them for permission. I am such a wimp at times, I know I should be more affirmative. I am an adult, damn it :p !
[User Picture]From: nynaeve_sedai
2013-01-26 04:20 am (UTC)

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It's hard to navigate that weird road from 'child' to 'adult'. Both you and them are having to come to a new place of understanding. If you're living under their roof, it might be helpful to have a discussion about ground rules (because it is their house). I learned having someone just *know* where I was and when I should be back was a safety thing. When I would be at home, my mom didn't have a curfew, but she wanted to know what time I'd be back. When I moved out and had a roommate, I'd tell my roomie what time I was going to be back.

Just remember it's a transition for both of you. You don't have to share everything, and they don't need to know everything. There'll be tension and hiccups, but it'll smooth itself out eventually.
[User Picture]From: x3_molly
2013-01-26 02:55 am (UTC)

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I do occasionally, yeah. I think anyone who says they don't is lying :P I do still care about my exes, but I just lurk a little out of curiosity. I think that's natural, not creepy!
I don't lie to them, really, but there's some stuff I don't tell them. I don't really talk about my shitty love life- I didn't say much about my abusive relationship and I'm pretty sure they thought I was long gone a couple years before I actually left. But I didn't tell anyone because I was ashamed/upset about it, so whatevs. I don't talk about my sex life either, but I'm sure they know I've had sex considering I'm 23 lol
[User Picture]From: pamelalabella
2013-01-26 03:00 am (UTC)

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I think he blocked me but I try looking once in a while because I'm curious to see if he's still a douche LOL

I keep things from my parents because I haven't lived with them for 6 years and I'm an adult. hah. I just don't like sharing everything with them because my mom makes a big deal out of little things and stresses me out. I don't have any crazy secrets or anything though. I have my mom on facebook even lol. I just don't like talking about my whole life with them.
[User Picture]From: jadiie_babii_0x
2013-01-26 03:03 am (UTC)

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I am facebook friends with almost all of my exes so I do generally look at their profiles from time to time or see stuff on my news feed. 3 of them are still good friends of mine and the rest I do like but am more just curious about and/or I worry about them.

I lie to my parents more than I would like but they are conservative and I don't want to upset them. They don't know about my eating disorder, my drug use, my sex life, sexual assault, some relationships, my political beliefs, etc. Not telling them about my HPV and the colposcopy either. I wish I didn't have to sometimes but I don't see another way. I do it to spare them mostly.
[User Picture]From: orgine
2013-01-26 03:11 am (UTC)

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Nope. I could not care less what the hell is going on in his life. I was thrilled to death to get out of his life, why on earth would I want to revist any of that trainwreck?

I am very open with my parent. I don't have any reason not to be. I'm much too old to keep things from them at this point.
[User Picture]From: striga
2013-01-26 03:18 am (UTC)

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I have a sort of train-wreck curiosity about my ex and his new wife, but I fight the urge to check up on them.

I don't exactly lie to my parents, but I exaggerate my happiness.
[User Picture]From: e_y_d
2013-01-26 03:33 am (UTC)

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yeah a little, with a couple of them. just curious.

I don't lie to them much but there are one or two things from the past that I definitely want kept from them, and plenty of things I'd just rather not share with them but that wouldn't be shocking to them or anything.
[User Picture]From: judaskiss
2013-01-26 03:41 am (UTC)

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Actually, I recently found one of my ex's profiles after several years of not looking him up at all. I hate his guts if that counts as still "caring" about him.

My mother disapproves of about everything I do so I tend to simply not share most details of my life with her.
[User Picture]From: xopiateslavex
2013-01-26 03:49 am (UTC)

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One of my exes has me blocked (lol). Apparently he's addicted to heroin now, so thank goodness for that.
I'm friends with like 3 of my exes on fb, which is fine. My husband, kids and I went over to one of my ex's houses on Saturday to hang out with him, his girlfriend, and his kids. So that's all good in the hood.
[User Picture]From: due27south
2013-01-26 04:02 am (UTC)

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No. In the past and too busy for that!

Well they don't know I've dated girls before and I don't tell them about my depressing thoughts I've had etc etc
[User Picture]From: borboleta
2013-01-26 05:28 am (UTC)

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Yes I do. Out of curiosity. Oddly enough I don't lurk my baby's father's fb though. Lol he has absolutely nothing interesting on it and that makes me happy in a weird way. I would be jealous if there were posts from girls and shit.

I don't feel like I need to hide anything from my parents. They knew about my nipple piercings but not my vch. my mom came to the gyno for my very last check up before I had my baby and he said something about it so now she knows. Idc though
[User Picture]From: fleckerbug
2013-01-26 06:02 am (UTC)

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Very rarely. That's all kinda before my time. I looked at my last ex's (I'm married now) band page once because I was just curious about what he was up to (and he looked really dumb with his new hair, which sadly made me happy) and I've checked out my first boyfriend's myspace ( mostly just because he contacted me, but a little bit because he married the girl after me and they have kids and a small part of me remembers how irked that made me then). He's contacted me a few times over the year and we've aught up chatting online.

My mother and I have very different values. I don't see getting on BC yourself as lying, it's just taking charge of your reproduction. I remember both my best friend and I got on birth control on our own, and our parents had very different opinions on premarital sex; we both just felt it was our own responsibility. My mother never flat out told me I couldn't have sex, and even if she had that's not her prerogative. She eventually got that I was likely sleeping with boyfriends because after high school, though I lived with her until I was 22 and being 18 didn't magically make me free to do wanted, I slowly gained more independence-- me taking it and her letting go-- and by the time I was 20 she could pretty much assume that I was likely having sex. At first I spent every Fri./Sat. at a friends house (was not having sex with them, there as a group of us-- all gay or female-- but I did lie to her about 'Michael' being 'Michelle'... I think she saw through it, but that was part of my gaining independence). Anyway, once I started sleeping over at my third boyfriend's house, although she was't as strict as before that, it did bother her enough to finally say something. We fought about it a few times until I just flat out told her that I understood she had certain values and I was aware of them, and that it wasn't that I didn't respect her values, but that I had values of my own that were just as important (we had a similar discussion regarding her smoking around me; often being frank but mature with your parents is best).

Anyway, I guess my point is if you're mature enough to decide to have sex and be responsible enough to get your own birth control, then you're old enough to make that decision yourself without feeling bad and allowed to have drastically different opinions or values from your parents without feeling that you're somehow betraying them (not that anyone ever should, but I think you get my point).
[User Picture]From: lutine
2013-01-26 06:25 am (UTC)

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Sometimes. I know his life is a train wreck and sometimes I make myself feel better by reminding myself of that. Also, I both look forward to and fear the day his girlfriend wises up and dumps him.

I never told my mom the extent of the abuse I suffered in my last relationship, because she would only blame herself for not helping me at the time. I've also never told her I was raped and I didn't tell her that I lost a pregnancy when I was 16. (I never told her I was pregnant because I was in denial myself until I lost her.)
[User Picture]From: lupinlover
2013-01-26 08:53 am (UTC)

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I usually do when the break-up is fresh, but after a few months or a year (for longer term relationship) I don't care anymore.
[User Picture]From: elikaa
2013-01-26 01:22 pm (UTC)

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I have done, just out of pure curiosity I guess. One of them is doing well and has a family on the way which is nice to see, and the other is still up to the same old stuff he did when we were together. I think its a perfectly natural thing to do, to be curious about someone you once cared for. I don't have feelings for either of them and don't wish either of them bad, despite both being assholes tbh. I don't do it now because my current boyfriend doesn't like it.

Ohhh lots and lots of things.

Edited at 2013-01-26 01:22 pm (UTC)
[User Picture]From: hearts_of_hope
2013-01-26 04:03 pm (UTC)

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Yeah, sometimes. I also am curious and would like to find something interesting, but I almost never do.

Unfortunately, I don't tell my parents a lot of things. Not because we have a bad relationship, but I am a very private person and find it difficult to talk to them about personal things. I definitely have never told them about being on BC either.
[User Picture]From: musicboxwaltz
2013-01-26 08:26 pm (UTC)

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