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[Jan. 23rd, 2013|09:57 pm]
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What are some extremely funny things small children (Or anyone for that matter) has said that made you laugh?

- My nephew (8) asked me where Hitler was buried. I said I wasn;'t sure but it could have been at sea. His wee brother (5) asked why. To which the oldest said 'So he can't come back if there's a zombie apocalypse

 - My bff (who is 29) asked me the other day what would happen to an egg if it wasn't collected from the mother hen. She didn't know it would grow to be a chicken

- (there was a tv ad in the uk where the line 'I don't speak pineapple' was used (definition - I don't understand you) For whatever reason I said it to the youngest nephew. 10 mins later, his brother asked him something and he replied 'I dont' speak gay!'

There are so many that I might have to edit this post to add as I remember them

eta -
 what would happen if you pulled a giraffes tail?

[User Picture]From: just_3_euros
2013-01-23 10:06 pm (UTC)


My son is pretty darn funny. I really need to start writing it all down.
The last thing that has stuck with me was when I told him, "I can't believe you're birthday is only in 4 months! I refuse to believe it!"
He said, "You're just gonna have to face the truth that I'm going to turn nine."

Oh! Okay then!
[User Picture]From: futurenurselady
2013-01-23 11:34 pm (UTC)


I have a client with a couple of dogs and one cat who used to be a Veterinarian.

She asked if I have any allergies. I told her no, not to any animals, just food, so as long as she doesn't feed me I should be just fine helping her in her house.

Then she says "well ok. But if I don't feed you, will you still come back? The cat sure wouldn't!" Then she winked at me to show she was making a joke. It was definitely the funniest thing any of my recent clients has said to me!
[User Picture]From: sblmnldrknss
2013-01-23 11:36 pm (UTC)


You know that's not really true about the egg, right? It only becomes a chicken if it's fertilized. You would only gather and eat unfertilized eggs. So eggs that become chickens and eggs that become omelets are not one and the same.
[User Picture]From: x_quotethis_x
2013-01-24 01:09 am (UTC)


I was wondering if they knew that too, haha
[User Picture]From: sblmnldrknss
2013-01-24 01:11 am (UTC)


In our last house, we had backyard chickens. It is AMAZING to me the number of adults I encountered who didn't understand how some eggs became baby chickens and some became edible eggs. I cannot even begin to tell you how many times I explained the need for a rooster and so on. *sigh* And the things that people DID believe to be true were just..... wow.
[User Picture]From: couturelights
2013-01-24 04:06 am (UTC)


[User Picture]From: horse_chicka333
2013-01-24 04:16 am (UTC)


And, uncollected eggs when left a few days and then broken REEK!

Edited at 2013-01-24 04:17 am (UTC)
[User Picture]From: sblmnldrknss
2013-01-24 05:07 am (UTC)


I can imagine, but wouldn't know personally. We had an insane chicken that would eat any eggs we didn't collect very quickly.
[User Picture]From: schexyschteve
2013-01-23 11:39 pm (UTC)


I work with infants and toddlers, so they come up with all kinds of hilarious stuff.

- During the summer, one of our 2 year olds wanted to go outside in her "bear socks" (she misheard "bare feet").

- One of current toddlers is learning to talk, so she says yes to everything. It's funny when you ask another child a question, and she answers yes.

- We always remind the kids to use their words when they're having a conflict, and then supply them the words ("Say 'help please' if you want some help", etc.). With one of our boys, we'd remind him to use his words, and before we could give him the words, he'd just go, "Words! Words!"

- One of our toddlers who's learning to talk calls all 4-legged creatures "puppy". We have a panda door stopper in the bathroom, and she always calls it "puppy" when we're in there.
[User Picture]From: noodledays
2013-01-23 11:47 pm (UTC)


when they're figuring out how to communicate is absolutely when some of the funniest and cutest things come out of their mouths via their little whirling brains. :D
[User Picture]From: schexyschteve
2013-01-23 11:47 pm (UTC)


It's the best age!
[User Picture]From: rainbow_vagina
2013-01-23 11:52 pm (UTC)


When I was a very little kid and my mum and I were at a restaurant, she pointed up to a ceiling fan and said 'Look Carly, a helicopter!' and I replied 'No, Mother. It's a fan!' I was such a silly, hyper kid which makes it funnier.
I know it's vain to put something that I said but bite me. :p
[User Picture]From: dawgdays
2013-01-24 12:06 am (UTC)


When our son was in single digits:

Son: What's for dinner?
Wife: Stuffed peppers.
Son: What are stuffed peckers?
[User Picture]From: chaostrophy
2013-01-25 11:19 pm (UTC)


[User Picture]From: kelj99
2013-01-24 12:36 am (UTC)


My son (aged 24 mo):

As I am backing out of the driveway, my hand on the shifter (manual car) -
Him - Mom! Two hands.
Me - ? *gets it* Oh, two hands on the wheel?
Him - Yes. Two hands.
He is already a back seat driver. LOL

He pretends to talk on the cell phone -
Him (talking to the phone) - Who you? I'm goin' a work. It's no problem. Sounds good. OK BYE!
Me - LOL forever

He is potty training and is often naked. He was sitting on the couch while my dad sat on the floor underneath.
Him (putting his naked butt out over the couch) - *Hilarious 2 year old rendition of farting noises* I pooped on you!!!

He says funny stuff all day long. But I am lame and his mom so I realize it probably isn't funny to anyone else.
[User Picture]From: chaostrophy
2013-01-25 11:22 pm (UTC)


I laughed at the poop one. Tbh, I can see my future child doing this and my dad being unamused but I would laugh because I still laugh when my SO farts.
[User Picture]From: enjoyliving
2013-01-24 12:47 am (UTC)


I teach first grade and have a new story practically every day!

When I showed a video of MLK's dream speech a kid asked me when the world came to be color.

Kid- my mommy has a baby in her tummy.
Kid 2- no she doesn't, she doesn't have a big tummy.
Kid- they don't just come outta nowhere, kid2. Rolls eyes and walks away hahah

A kid brought 18mo calendars for her bday to the class. Kid says 'I know 12 months, but what about the other 6?' - she was so concerned. At least she could subtract?

There's so many more. My mom wants me to have a quote book.
[User Picture]From: kadevha
2013-01-24 01:39 am (UTC)


My sister was hospitalized for an allergic reaction to a spider bite. My niece was overly concerned that she might get a spider bite, so my sister told her that she doesn't have to worry as long as she doesn't stick her hands and fingers in dark places. My niece then asked "does this mean I can't pick my nose anymore?"

My nephew was in kindergarten when he came home and stated that they served chocolate milk with their snack that day. My sister asked if he had any. He looked at her, incredulously, and said it was "skin milk" and he cannot drink milk made from cow skin.
[User Picture]From: chaostrophy
2013-01-25 11:25 pm (UTC)


[User Picture]From: starrchilde
2013-01-24 01:44 am (UTC)


I have four kids, so there's always something crazy coming out of their mouths.

About a week ago I made scrambled eggs with kale and ham for breakfast, and my four year old daughter took a bite and promptly started jumping around and acting silly. I asked her what the problem was and she said, "You put pepper in the eggs! That really spiced me up!"

Another time she was sitting at the table eating lunch and had two stuffed bears sitting on either side of her bowl, she was making random conversations then says, "I'm sorry, I don't speak bear... well, actually I do, but I'm ignoring you right now."

I read a post on Facebook a friend made to them and it says, "Call the meanest mother in Wyoming."
My 10 year old son asked where Wyoming was and I gave him a look, he said, "It's not a real place, is it?"

Around Christmas he was also singing "The British are comin' to town" to the tune of Santa Claus is coming to town and then he declared he was going to dress up as Paul Revere for Halloween so he could go around singing that all day. (He's such a dork hehe)
[User Picture]From: anamosity
2013-01-24 02:02 am (UTC)


my friends daughter has the best lines:

"Mom shouldn't be mad I wear sweats all the time. She should be happy I'm not wearing yoga pants and showing everyone what my junk looks like"

girl, obviously asleep in the car.
mom: Alaina, are you sleeping?
girl: No, I'm just checking my dreams.

"Mommy, imagine we had a pet gorilla. That would be cool...and dangerous...but mostly cool."
[User Picture]From: oneworldvision
2013-01-24 02:16 am (UTC)


That last one before your edit just makes me sad tbh. He's 5 and he's already absorbed the idea that "gay" is an insult? I hope you corrected him.

Anyway, on Christmas Eve my aunt was getting my cousin's 4-year-old daughter ready to go home, and told her she had to leave her new doll in its box because otherwise it would get cold in the car. The 4-year-old replied very seriously, "No it won't. It isn't real." We all cracked up because she seemed to think she was letting us in on some big secret.
[User Picture]From: ticktockman
2013-01-24 03:22 am (UTC)


Q: what would happen if you pulled a giraffes tail?

A: You should give it a try. You'll get a big kick out of it.


[User Picture]From: followills
2013-01-24 05:36 am (UTC)


I work with kids and they say the funniest things ever.

Last year one boy I nannied came down dressed pretty nicely. He had on nice jeans and a new tshirt and a new hoody and a hat.. & his hair was done. So I asked who he was trying to impress because it was just me there.. and he was all "hey man. I have a sister, she has friends, I've got prom coming up and I need to keep my options open. I have to look good so I don't ruin any possible date opportunites" He is 9. I was laughing SO HARD. He and I often discussed his girl issues.

At Christmas one of my students wrote me a note that said "yo ms. B, I know we've had our ups, and we've had our downs, but I think you'll agree that I am the reason you come to work everyday. You love me. Merry Christmas"
It was priceless.